• CEOofmyhouse56
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    10
    ·
    edit-2
    10 months ago

    PSA. As a responsible adult I thought I should share a couple of safety guidelines for tonight. Wait I just have to tell the kids next door to fuck off with the ball before I knife it. Brb. Ok let’s go. I’ll make this quick.

    Drink responsibly. Have food in your guts BEFORE you start drinking. Look after your friends. Drugs are bad. Unless it’s valium. A small dose can take the edge off and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy like cotton wool. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t get into a car if the driver has been drinking. Don’t wear heals and drink. Always always practice safe sex always. If you’re gonna burn shit, don’t do it near a fence. If you’re gonna let off fireworks, don’t do it near a fence. If your neighbours complain about the noise you are legally allowed to dong them with your shovel. Allegedly. Put your firearms away. Don’t empty your piss cup near other party goers. Don’t start a biff because someone looked at your boyfriend/girlfriend.

    I think that’s all. Stay safe party animals and have fun!

    • just_kitten
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      10 months ago

      Instructions unclear, had sex with neighbour near the fence after consuming Valium and booze. Someone also looked at my shovel so I threw fireworks and a piss cup at them before driving off in their car. Forgot to eat, though.

    • Rusty Raven M
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      10 months ago

      New guideline proposal: If celebrating with a BBQ, do not pour petrol on it.

      • Catfish
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        10 months ago

        Awww meanie kill joy.

        How about play the Vuvuzela with your butt then add chilli sauce?

        • Rusty Raven M
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          10 months ago

          That sounds both uncomfortable and far too likely to end in a visit to the emergency room explaining how you just happened to be playing the vevuzela with your butt when you “slipped” on the chilli sauce. So I advise giving it a miss tonight when the emergency room will be extremely overrun. Perhaps give it a go on a nice quiet Wednesday night when the Emergency Room staff will appreciate the chance for a good laugh?

    • underwatermagpies
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      10 months ago

      And please do all your partying in hi vis for extra safety.

      Drink plenty of water and eat extra snacks friends.

      If you’re at a party and there’s a dog, pat the dog and send us a picture. It’s the safe thing to do.

    • bacon
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      10 months ago

      Instructions unclear, no alcohol not even vinegar, constantly over eat, drug free not even panadol and hay fever pill, not talking to ANY strangers not even shop staff, sex free not even masturbating, no fire no heat no cooking, piss only in cups and empty them onto all non-party goers, start biffs because no one looks at me

      now what