PSA. As a responsible adult I thought I should share a couple of safety guidelines for tonight. Wait I just have to tell the kids next door to fuck off with the ball before I knife it. Brb. Ok let’s go. I’ll make this quick.
Drink responsibly. Have food in your guts BEFORE you start drinking. Look after your friends. Drugs are bad. Unless it’s valium. A small dose can take the edge off and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy like cotton wool. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t get into a car if the driver has been drinking. Don’t wear heals and drink. Always always practice safe sex always. If you’re gonna burn shit, don’t do it near a fence. If you’re gonna let off fireworks, don’t do it near a fence. If your neighbours complain about the noise you are legally allowed to dong them with your shovel. Allegedly. Put your firearms away. Don’t empty your piss cup near other party goers. Don’t start a biff because someone looked at your boyfriend/girlfriend.
I think that’s all. Stay safe party animals and have fun!
Instructions unclear, had sex with neighbour near the fence after consuming Valium and booze. Someone also looked at my shovel so I threw fireworks and a piss cup at them before driving off in their car. Forgot to eat, though.
That sounds both uncomfortable and far too likely to end in a visit to the emergency room explaining how you just happened to be playing the vevuzela with your butt when you “slipped” on the chilli sauce. So I advise giving it a miss tonight when the emergency room will be extremely overrun. Perhaps give it a go on a nice quiet Wednesday night when the Emergency Room staff will appreciate the chance for a good laugh?
Instructions unclear, no alcohol not even vinegar, constantly over eat, drug free not even panadol and hay fever pill, not talking to ANY strangers not even shop staff, sex free not even masturbating, no fire no heat no cooking, piss only in cups and empty them onto all non-party goers, start biffs because no one looks at me
PSA. As a responsible adult I thought I should share a couple of safety guidelines for tonight. Wait I just have to tell the kids next door to fuck off with the ball before I knife it. Brb. Ok let’s go. I’ll make this quick.
Drink responsibly. Have food in your guts BEFORE you start drinking. Look after your friends. Drugs are bad. Unless it’s valium. A small dose can take the edge off and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy like cotton wool. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t get into a car if the driver has been drinking. Don’t wear heals and drink. Always always practice safe sex always. If you’re gonna burn shit, don’t do it near a fence. If you’re gonna let off fireworks, don’t do it near a fence. If your neighbours complain about the noise you are legally allowed to dong them with your shovel. Allegedly. Put your firearms away. Don’t empty your piss cup near other party goers. Don’t start a biff because someone looked at your boyfriend/girlfriend.
I think that’s all. Stay safe party animals and have fun!
Instructions unclear, had sex with neighbour near the fence after consuming Valium and booze. Someone also looked at my shovel so I threw fireworks and a piss cup at them before driving off in their car. Forgot to eat, though.
At least you didn’t have sex with a firework
deleted by creator
You’re gonna regret that firework in the morning!
deleted by creator
If I shat glitter the next day then I’d rethink my life choices!
Edible glitter is a thing. I’m not quite sure why.
deleted by creator
Just keep in mind it is no longer safe to eat once anyone’s butt has been involved.
No more parties for you!
New guideline proposal: If celebrating with a BBQ, do not pour petrol on it.
That is a good one!
Awww meanie kill joy.
How about play the Vuvuzela with your butt then add chilli sauce?
That sounds both uncomfortable and far too likely to end in a visit to the emergency room explaining how you just happened to be playing the vevuzela with your butt when you “slipped” on the chilli sauce. So I advise giving it a miss tonight when the emergency room will be extremely overrun. Perhaps give it a go on a nice quiet Wednesday night when the Emergency Room staff will appreciate the chance for a good laugh?
And please do all your partying in hi vis for extra safety.
Drink plenty of water and eat extra snacks friends.
If you’re at a party and there’s a dog, pat the dog and send us a picture. It’s the safe thing to do.
Instructions unclear. Patted dog in hi vis, sending picture
Safety dog
I LOVE HIM!!!
Perfect execution of instructions, well done.
Stay safe little buddy!
Flares are fun. Flares are dangerous.
Instructions unclear, no alcohol not even vinegar, constantly over eat, drug free not even panadol and hay fever pill, not talking to ANY strangers not even shop staff, sex free not even masturbating, no fire no heat no cooking, piss only in cups and empty them onto all non-party goers, start biffs because no one looks at me
now what
Get some therapy?
instructions unclear, physiotherapist told me to stretch more
I don’t know how to make it any more clearer unless I draw some pictures for you.
a textless illustrated guide like IKEA’s
Exactly.
Exactly what are you stretching and what will go there?
My hands, so that some day I might play a 10th on the piano.