Dark silhouette in my bedroom doorway,
In stark contrast with the lamp in the hallway.
She’s creeping quietly closer to my bed,
Seeping scents of old cigarettes,
Mingled with BO and bleach.
She occupies a distinct niche,
In my heart and memories,
A bittersweet reverie.

Are we destined to be our parents
Repeating history?
Is our fate determined by our genes
Or are we free?
Are we intentions or actions?
Are we only a simple chemical reaction,
Starting at the beginning of time?
Is this your life or is it mine?
I am fine.

A living room lit up by a lamp in the corner,
Dying together we discuss her disorder;
He says I shouldn’t hold it against her,
She’s troubled standing on the border.
But I didn’t know then what I know now,
He wasn’t there when she pushed me down,
And screamed I’m just like him,
With a slap to make it stick.

Are we destined to be our parents
Repeating history?
Is our fate determined by our genes
Or are we free?
Are we intentions or actions?
Are we only a simple chemical reaction
Starting at the beginning of time?
Is this your life or is it mine?
I am fine.

Over a decade and I’m doing better,
Still waiting for life to stop, start, stutter,
The end is far away in the distant future,
So I study and often wonder, ponder
On a wish that never came true.
But the sun bright and the sky is blue,
My Love is kind and the cat is soft,
My home is a hot mess but I am not.

We aren’t destined to be our parents
Repeating history.
Fate just is a construct to make sense
Of our humanity.
We are actions and intentions,
An grand ongoing chemical reaction
Starting at the beginning of time.
This life is our time to shine.
I am fine.