It’s up to me to fix my problems and I’m fucking tired of it.
If I want a close relationship with dad, apparently I have to initiate that. He certainly isn’t going to. But why should I? Who’s the fucking parent here?
I’ve already had to fucking parent my own damn mother, now I have to be the one to reach out to my dad!? Fucking fuck fuck! It fucking hurts when my partners parents call him, or his siblings, just to check in, because of course I’m fucking jealous.
Dad can just be dad to my fucking cousins as always, as it’s always fucking been. I give up. I give up on this. They’re all so damn successful and supportive of each other, what the actual fuck have I done wrong!?
I dream of just packing a backpack and fucking off by myself, throwing my phone away, deleting everything about me and starting elsewhere.
But I can’t… Of course I can’t. I have my partner to support and Mickey to love and feed.
I know how you feel… My Dad has chosen to not be an active participant in my adult life. He’s met my son once in 11 years. He only lives 20 minutes away, in the same town as my mum (his ex wife).
It’s taken alot for me to get over feeling like I’m not good enough for him. He has a great relationship with one of my brothers but not me and the other two. Many of my own therapy sessions have determined he is probably neuro diverse but that’s not an excuse. In the community people speak highly of him, but we haven’t had a conversation in 20 years. I’m a good person, who does good things and I’m worth his time and effort, but apparently I’m not. But I’ve got to be okay with that.
We’ll survive this, and worse, because we know our worth, and we give love freely unlike our fathers.
I’m so sorry, it does hurt. A lot. In ways that are hard to describe with words.
You are good enough, you are so much more than enough! You are an amazing parent breaking the cycle! Your kid loves you, unconditionally and always. You are an amazing, kind, intelligent, beautiful human being!
The problem lies with your father, and while it is heavy to carry those feelings of unworthiness, it is he who threw it away. You haven’t done anything to deserve treatment like that, you are strong and awesome, and awe-inspiring 💜💜💜
I'm tired boss
It’s up to me to fix my problems and I’m fucking tired of it.
If I want a close relationship with dad, apparently I have to initiate that. He certainly isn’t going to. But why should I? Who’s the fucking parent here?
I’ve already had to fucking parent my own damn mother, now I have to be the one to reach out to my dad!? Fucking fuck fuck! It fucking hurts when my partners parents call him, or his siblings, just to check in, because of course I’m fucking jealous.
Dad can just be dad to my fucking cousins as always, as it’s always fucking been. I give up. I give up on this. They’re all so damn successful and supportive of each other, what the actual fuck have I done wrong!?
I dream of just packing a backpack and fucking off by myself, throwing my phone away, deleting everything about me and starting elsewhere.
But I can’t… Of course I can’t. I have my partner to support and Mickey to love and feed.
I’m resentful.
so many hugs, I’m so sorry
Your partner and Mickey are your new found fam.
Thank you seagoon, I really appreciate this 😭💜
I know how you feel… My Dad has chosen to not be an active participant in my adult life. He’s met my son once in 11 years. He only lives 20 minutes away, in the same town as my mum (his ex wife). It’s taken alot for me to get over feeling like I’m not good enough for him. He has a great relationship with one of my brothers but not me and the other two. Many of my own therapy sessions have determined he is probably neuro diverse but that’s not an excuse. In the community people speak highly of him, but we haven’t had a conversation in 20 years. I’m a good person, who does good things and I’m worth his time and effort, but apparently I’m not. But I’ve got to be okay with that. We’ll survive this, and worse, because we know our worth, and we give love freely unlike our fathers.
I’m so sorry, it does hurt. A lot. In ways that are hard to describe with words.
You are good enough, you are so much more than enough! You are an amazing parent breaking the cycle! Your kid loves you, unconditionally and always. You are an amazing, kind, intelligent, beautiful human being!
The problem lies with your father, and while it is heavy to carry those feelings of unworthiness, it is he who threw it away. You haven’t done anything to deserve treatment like that, you are strong and awesome, and awe-inspiring 💜💜💜
Thank you Spud ❤️
Hugs ❤️