I got bad family news in early November. Another death. It was somebody else that I never got to meet, but was directly and quite closely related to me
I’ve been thinking about it for a few months, and have even brought it up with my psych, but nothing’s really helped. It’s weird because I know that I’m meant to feel something, and indeed do feel something, but it’s unidentifiable and not overwhelming emotion
Apparently 2 days before he died, he tried to get in contact with me through child protection. Because of bureaucracy, I didn’t find out about it until over 2 weeks later. That made it worse. Nobody knows what the message was, but trying to contact me was one of the last things he ever did :/
So sorry to hear that. I’ve also had the experience of finding out direct relatives I’ve never met had died. I never feel anything except maybe a curiosity about who they may have been, would we have got along. But nothing more personal. They were a stranger. I don’t think sharing DNA means anything, really. It’s knowing people and interacting that has meaning. But also, I never had any expectation that we would ever meet, so that probably affects my take on things. Knowing you closely missed out on a meeting would be more difficult. There would a sense of loss if it were me. Hope you can work through it and feel OK.
Another layer of complexity is that I honestly don’t know if I would’ve accepted, had I gotten the message earlier. Obviously if I knew I’d soon lose the opportunity, I would, but otherwise, it would’ve taken a lot of rationalising and deciding, and maybe months before I would have made a decision. And I probably would’ve chosen not to meet or contact him
There’s some other familial stuff going on to where even now I don’t know if his intentions were good, what sort of person he was or life he led, and if it was a genuine request, or intended to cause drama. That adds a bit of guilt for thinking that way
I got bad family news in early November. Another death. It was somebody else that I never got to meet, but was directly and quite closely related to me
I’ve been thinking about it for a few months, and have even brought it up with my psych, but nothing’s really helped. It’s weird because I know that I’m meant to feel something, and indeed do feel something, but it’s unidentifiable and not overwhelming emotion
Apparently 2 days before he died, he tried to get in contact with me through child protection. Because of bureaucracy, I didn’t find out about it until over 2 weeks later. That made it worse. Nobody knows what the message was, but trying to contact me was one of the last things he ever did :/
So sorry to hear that. I’ve also had the experience of finding out direct relatives I’ve never met had died. I never feel anything except maybe a curiosity about who they may have been, would we have got along. But nothing more personal. They were a stranger. I don’t think sharing DNA means anything, really. It’s knowing people and interacting that has meaning. But also, I never had any expectation that we would ever meet, so that probably affects my take on things. Knowing you closely missed out on a meeting would be more difficult. There would a sense of loss if it were me. Hope you can work through it and feel OK.
Thanks cake, I appreciate it ♥️
Another layer of complexity is that I honestly don’t know if I would’ve accepted, had I gotten the message earlier. Obviously if I knew I’d soon lose the opportunity, I would, but otherwise, it would’ve taken a lot of rationalising and deciding, and maybe months before I would have made a decision. And I probably would’ve chosen not to meet or contact him
There’s some other familial stuff going on to where even now I don’t know if his intentions were good, what sort of person he was or life he led, and if it was a genuine request, or intended to cause drama. That adds a bit of guilt for thinking that way
I’m so sorry, Baku. hugs
Thanks Llab 🫂
I’m so sorry , that’s really tough
Thanks seagoon ♥️