I have written a list, a few pages long, of all the crap my ex put me through, as well as a summary at the end just detailing the two months after we broke up and before she moved out, as well as my thoughts on her as a person.
I want to send it to them, I know their address (or at least an address that would forward it to them). But I also know I’m in no right mind to be making that decision. I’m mad that they got to send me that absolute toxic drivel, and that I didn’t take the time to rip them a new one.
My beautiful partner suggested printing it and burning it instead, which is a good idea. I just feel so raw. I wish this didn’t affect me so much, but I know why it does: it was worse than hell. I would have preferred hell. I thought what my mum’s dad did to me was bad, but that only happened once. My ex did it to me, 4 times a week, for 8 years. I wish I could put them on blast, properly, that I could show their friends and family what they did. I wish I could remove them from this world. I wish I broke up with them in 2010, when my friends said they didn’t like them.
Maybe I wouldn’t have had to take call centre jobs to support her and I, and maybe I would have got a higher ENTER score, gone to uni, and been an archeologist like I always wanted.
But I cannot live in the past making wishes that won’t come true for my 18yo self. I can only mourn what could have been, but I must remain here in the present to truly become what I want to be.
I shouldn’t send it at all, because it only proves to them how much they affected me, and I’m sure it would give them a boner knowing how much I hurt still. I think they got off on my pain, and I think what I said and did in that chat was the right call; it made them mad I didn’t grovel.
I don’t think they will find happiness or a partner who would put up with them for as long as I did. Not these days, knowing what we know about abusers and their insidious ways. She can claim she didn’t rape me endlessly, because she’s a girl, but it doesn’t take away from the fact they had a penis and the time and used it as a weapon of destruction against my soul. I can only hope any of their future partners will see them for what they are before she hurts them like she hurt me.
This is nonsense word salad, a stream of consciousness. And I apologise to this community for venting so vehemently.
Sending you loads of gentle hugs and love. Vent all you need!
I like the idea of printing it and burning it. Make a whole ritual out of it. Let yourself scream and cry while you do it. They don’t deserve any of your attention and unless you think your words, your pain, will make the grow and change, it’s not worth it unless it will give you closure.
NSFW rant - text wall
I have written a list, a few pages long, of all the crap my ex put me through, as well as a summary at the end just detailing the two months after we broke up and before she moved out, as well as my thoughts on her as a person.
I want to send it to them, I know their address (or at least an address that would forward it to them). But I also know I’m in no right mind to be making that decision. I’m mad that they got to send me that absolute toxic drivel, and that I didn’t take the time to rip them a new one.
My beautiful partner suggested printing it and burning it instead, which is a good idea. I just feel so raw. I wish this didn’t affect me so much, but I know why it does: it was worse than hell. I would have preferred hell. I thought what my mum’s dad did to me was bad, but that only happened once. My ex did it to me, 4 times a week, for 8 years. I wish I could put them on blast, properly, that I could show their friends and family what they did. I wish I could remove them from this world. I wish I broke up with them in 2010, when my friends said they didn’t like them.
Maybe I wouldn’t have had to take call centre jobs to support her and I, and maybe I would have got a higher ENTER score, gone to uni, and been an archeologist like I always wanted.
But I cannot live in the past making wishes that won’t come true for my 18yo self. I can only mourn what could have been, but I must remain here in the present to truly become what I want to be.
I shouldn’t send it at all, because it only proves to them how much they affected me, and I’m sure it would give them a boner knowing how much I hurt still. I think they got off on my pain, and I think what I said and did in that chat was the right call; it made them mad I didn’t grovel.
I don’t think they will find happiness or a partner who would put up with them for as long as I did. Not these days, knowing what we know about abusers and their insidious ways. She can claim she didn’t rape me endlessly, because she’s a girl, but it doesn’t take away from the fact they had a penis and the time and used it as a weapon of destruction against my soul. I can only hope any of their future partners will see them for what they are before she hurts them like she hurt me.
This is nonsense word salad, a stream of consciousness. And I apologise to this community for venting so vehemently.
Peace.
Sending you loads of gentle hugs and love. Vent all you need!
I like the idea of printing it and burning it. Make a whole ritual out of it. Let yourself scream and cry while you do it. They don’t deserve any of your attention and unless you think your words, your pain, will make the grow and change, it’s not worth it unless it will give you closure.
There is a full moon coming, which is very cleansing. I say burn it under the light of the full moon and let it be released.
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All the hugs and support and kind thoughts. You’ve been through an awful lot, and have every right to feel how you do