“Ah, I think I understand the problem with your device. For our next troubleshooting step please pick up your mouse. Now just wrap that around your neck ever so gently… I understand it sounds silly but we’re trying to align your bodies electrical field with your device to restore functionality… great, that’s done? Now grab both ends of the cable, either side of your neck, and just pull as hard as you can. You might find it difficult to speak for this bit but don’t worry. Also black dots appearing in your vision is perfectly normal… great… keep pulling…”