Sounds like you’ve got a lot of the past to let go of. Speaking as someone who dragged the past around like an anchor for far too long. Even if you were to go overseas, you can’t escape from you. I hope you can one day find a way to let go of it.

Negative experiences (shit job, shit family, shit friends, trauma, abuse, etc) will cause triggers to manifest naturally, it’s the brain ‘misfiring’ doing risk assessments and memory recollection, similar to the way ptsd works. Something in the world reminds you of that time, and your brain treats it like a new threat rather than a memory, even though it is just a memory.

You can run away across the seas, but you will still have your brain reacting to triggers.

It may help to recentre yourself by reminding yourself of what you have achieved, your goals, that you are not ‘there’ anymore. That you have come so far despite your past experiences, and fuck those times where you were in a hard place. You persevered and you are succeeding.

Sorry for the rant and possible lack of help this supplies 😬