I spent a few hours trying to tidy up outside today. I was planning on doing gardening, but ended up deciding to sweep the patio and pavement instead. It was still kind of calming though. I could spend a month straight sweeping it and there’d still be more to do, but at the same time I can still see I’m making actual progress. It was soothing.

I really need to tackle the mess I’ve created inside. It’s been hard to get started, because I also have to clean up the mess the last kid left. The program manager cleaned most of the obvious stuff before I got back, but there was a bunch she didn’t notice. Stains in my fridge. Dirty plates in the cupboard. Random phlegm in a cup. Etc. He also went through my cupboard and stole or fucked with a lot of my food, and tipped flower and sugar all through my cupboard, which is on me to clean up too.

It feels so violating having people go through my stuff. I noticed clothes that I had in a bag tipped out, and my paperwork box rifled through, a few empty product boxes I kept had been pulled apart and torn up. It makes me feel so violated and upset. I wonder if he did that specifically to make me as upset and cause as much damage as possible. They make us fill in these fucking stupid all about me things where you have to list your likes and dislikes. I listed one of my dislikes as people going through my things or entering my space without permission. Not going to make that mistake again, that’s for sure

Edit: after writing it, I feel pretty sure that’s probably what it was. No doubt the valuable things that were stolen would’ve been stolen to hock for drugs, but the rest (like slashing my bike seat and poster) definitely would’ve been done purely to cause distress. Cuntbag.

I have a safe now though (a month too late…), so I’ll put my valuables and documents in there from now on.