I used to get affected by the same friends too, but then learned to stop putting disappointing people on a pedestal, thinking they do the same, and rely on them for emotional support and wellbeing which was always one way.

Big hugs. Relate to that so very painfully. I still feel pangs of sadness over the loss of an entire friend circle over covid; I shared lots of values and experiences with them and we had lots of great times, but I could’ve kicked myself for being so reliant on them for that support/wellbeing when it turns out that they were supremely unwilling/unable to show up in the ways that mattered most when the chips were down.

It was impossible to have an honest conversation because they would beat themselves up in a show of contrition and shame but not actually acknowledge any issues and work on them (or anticipate them better). I know a lot of that is a trauma response from them but after a certain point it just wasn’t healthy to be around any more and I couldn’t handle continuing to be the only one willing to forgive and accommodate.

I’m still in the phase of not really having made any new friends on that level, though I certainly have strengthened my friendship with a couple of other rock-solid people in my life and it’s made me so much more grateful for them.