In a way it’s been good having an active excuse to not read the news today, I have managed to get a wee bit more done in that morning fog - got out of bed before 10 (yay!), dishwasher up and running (yay!), and feeling some stirrings of positive energy and motivation to do something goal-directed/purpose oriented aside from vegetate sadly on the couch. Rare! Must grasp onto these wisps before they disappear!
some thoughts about upcoming trip
Am working up the courage to reach out to some old school friends leading up to going back to the home country next week. Bit anxious about this as the last time I went there were still covid restrictions, masks mandatory outside the home - I was in a shit headspace and I didn’t want to meet up with anyone so it might’ve seemed like I was pushing away people or too good for them…
But I need to remind myself the worst they could say is no/ignore, sure it’s a small circle and people say things, but their acceptance or approval doesn’t matter, I DON’T LIVE THERE ANYMORE and NEVER HAVE TO AGAIN, I am completely separate to their life paths and values, and if we can’t meet in the middle that is okay.
I’ve messaged 4 people, two have replied so far, feel like a silly 14 year old checking for responses rather than someone 20 years older. Still going to reach out to a couple more even if it feels like pulling teeth because of my anxiety, if you don’t face the discomfort and reach out you can’t expect people to stay in touch, I have to keep reminding myself
In a way it’s been good having an active excuse to not read the news today, I have managed to get a wee bit more done in that morning fog - got out of bed before 10 (yay!), dishwasher up and running (yay!), and feeling some stirrings of positive energy and motivation to do something goal-directed/purpose oriented aside from vegetate sadly on the couch. Rare! Must grasp onto these wisps before they disappear!
some thoughts about upcoming trip
Am working up the courage to reach out to some old school friends leading up to going back to the home country next week. Bit anxious about this as the last time I went there were still covid restrictions, masks mandatory outside the home - I was in a shit headspace and I didn’t want to meet up with anyone so it might’ve seemed like I was pushing away people or too good for them…
But I need to remind myself the worst they could say is no/ignore, sure it’s a small circle and people say things, but their acceptance or approval doesn’t matter, I DON’T LIVE THERE ANYMORE and NEVER HAVE TO AGAIN, I am completely separate to their life paths and values, and if we can’t meet in the middle that is okay.
big hugs
spoiler
I totally get how you feel about back home
I’ve messaged 4 people, two have replied so far, feel like a silly 14 year old checking for responses rather than someone 20 years older. Still going to reach out to a couple more even if it feels like pulling teeth because of my anxiety, if you don’t face the discomfort and reach out you can’t expect people to stay in touch, I have to keep reminding myself