The thing is, I have ADHD and Autism, I don’t respond to a break up the same way others might, it’s just not how it works for me. My brain is literally wired to fixate on things that give me dopamine, and for all the faults, my ex also brought me a lot happiness, so it’s a slow gradual process. I am building a life for myself where I get my dopamine from a lot of sources and not just one person, So yes I do think of her occasionally and I hope for contact but I’m doing things about it. I also know it’s also because I never got that explanation that other people get when a break up happens, it wasn’t long and drawn out it was short and curt with contact dotted in there and overall a massive explanation-less experience that made it exceptionally hard for me. So maybe other people don’t have to set boundaries for themselves, but I know I do have to set them for myself because I know that I always looked at her and our relationship with rose coloured glasses. I also know that she treated me poorly at times and I have a view of where we went wrong from my perspective and I would never accept her previous behaviours in the relationship or my own, I wasn’t my best either and we didn’t bring the best out of each other. I have a balanced view but my brain is built to obsess and I am working on it whilst also being kind to myself.
I’d also like to clarify that I’m not desperate to be in a relationship, it will likely take me a long time to be truly “ready”, so I’m just dipping my toe in the water and trying to meet new people. Before my ex I was single from 21-31 years old by choice I’m very used to being single and I’m also certainly not desperate to be in a relationship with my ex.
The thing is, I have ADHD and Autism, I don’t respond to a break up the same way others might, it’s just not how it works for me. My brain is literally wired to fixate on things that give me dopamine, and for all the faults, my ex also brought me a lot happiness, so it’s a slow gradual process. I am building a life for myself where I get my dopamine from a lot of sources and not just one person, So yes I do think of her occasionally and I hope for contact but I’m doing things about it. I also know it’s also because I never got that explanation that other people get when a break up happens, it wasn’t long and drawn out it was short and curt with contact dotted in there and overall a massive explanation-less experience that made it exceptionally hard for me. So maybe other people don’t have to set boundaries for themselves, but I know I do have to set them for myself because I know that I always looked at her and our relationship with rose coloured glasses. I also know that she treated me poorly at times and I have a view of where we went wrong from my perspective and I would never accept her previous behaviours in the relationship or my own, I wasn’t my best either and we didn’t bring the best out of each other. I have a balanced view but my brain is built to obsess and I am working on it whilst also being kind to myself.
I’d also like to clarify that I’m not desperate to be in a relationship, it will likely take me a long time to be truly “ready”, so I’m just dipping my toe in the water and trying to meet new people. Before my ex I was single from 21-31 years old by choice I’m very used to being single and I’m also certainly not desperate to be in a relationship with my ex.