I thought this article was interesting, in that I am immediately suspicious of the motives of some of people quoted. The conclusion runs counter to what I want to be true, and I’m curious what other people make of it.
Also men: Do you actually feel attacked? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone criticised for like being strong and capable, or a good carpenter, or a protective dad or whatever. Is this a real thing? or just something that is used as cover like the traditional values vs violent misogyny terminology.
P.S. Thinking there are hordes of ravenous cancellers waiting in the wings is extremely funny to me. Not exactly beating the allegations that listening to Jo Rogan damages your perception of reality.
I think many are quick to colour all men with the same brush when any man does something bad (murder, domestic violence, etc). This ignores the fact that most men aren’t doing this and are helpless to stop it. It’s not like we’re choosing to let domestic violence to continue. We’re just as powerless as anyone else.
And there’s a real focus on the worst of men’s behaviour, without any appreciation of the good things men do, to balance it out.
All men are flawed, just like all women are flawed (except my Mrs). We’re all a mix of good and bad, trying to do our best.
I think this is really interesting, who do you think can?
It’s also true that male loneliness is pretty significant, and lonely guys are more prone to developing extreme and hateful views but the only people that can do anything about man to man friendships are other men.
There are some fantastic initiatives like lens sheds that are trying to knit a healthy social structure and almost nobody participates in them.
Men don’t have to have male friends to not be lonely. Any friends will do. I have lots of great female friends.
As far as solving domestic violence, I don’t know how to do that. But I think we can all agree that we want it to end. Probably even the perpetrators of DV want it to end.
Maybe a big part of it is finding those who are most likely to be perpetrators and try to understand them better. And help them better understand themselves.
I do note an interesting difference in your approach to how to handle DV vs how to handle someone stringing a wire across a bike path. It may be a contradiction you wish to reflect on.
You might want to read this book to get a better idea behind the psychology of DV.
What are you doing to prevent DV? (Not a challenge, I’m genuinely curious if you’re part of any efforts)
So if you read that book, or look into any of the research behind DV you will learn that it’s not really a problem women can confront at the source because the psychology behind it is one which fundamentally views women as inferior. In the same way if someone is racist somebody from a group they hate is unlikely to meet with much success trying to change their views (at best probably getting recognition as “one of the good ones”) women talking to men about why we’re actually whole-arse people doesn’t work very well.
Aside from trying in vain to get men to learn literally anything about why DV happens and why they can actually make a massive difference talking to their mates and setting norms for acceptable ideas about women at work/at the gym/at the club etc it’s not really in my means to donate to a shelter or whatever. I do volunteer for the greens around elections.
That said, being a woman in society there’s the sort of basic keeping an eye on things. Making a point to chat with neighbours, hosting drinks, sharing food etc that gives you a bit of a chance to have a network of support for people, victims tend to hide the harm believing themselves to be at fault so there’s not a good chance you’ll actually know. You can call a welfare check on a house if you hear a nasty fight but it’s unlikely to do much.
Your book looks like an American thing. I try not to consume too much yank media. I read “See what you made me do” by Jess Hill a few years ago. Is it significantly different to that?
Pretty similar, I had forgotten the name of Jess’s book. I think hers focuses more on legal stuff in Australia iirc and less on the personal psychology but it’s there too.
They’re both using the same body of knowledge.
There’s a difference between prevention and punishment. I believe people who kill their spouse (or attempt to on multiple occasions) should be imprisoned for life.