It took me so long to learn this. My ex was just as passive aggressive and emotion driven as I am, so we were just in an echo chamber of passive-aggressiveness and expecting the other to read our minds. I made the effort to anticipate his needs but he never did the same for me.
It wasn’t until I got in a relationship with mr. Omoikiri that I realised how irrational that mindset is. Maybe it’s because he’s an engineer and very solutions-driven or maybe it’s because English is his second language and just didn’t pick up on the cues I was throwing out, but eventually he was like “this isn’t working. I can’t read your mind. We can’t address problems if you don’t tell me that there’s a problem.” It was like a slap in the face in the best possible way.
Sometimes it’s so frustrating and I just want him to instinctively know what I need because how can he not see it, but only we know what’s going on in our brains and emotions and only we can speak for them. So we need to because otherwise no one else will and you’ll just drown in it.
That last paragraph - yep!!! I was hinting like “I have no time to myself” and then being frustrated when things wouldn’t change enough. I don’t think the sleep deprivation has helped me with clear and rational communication haha.
Then I was like. Ok just ask more explicitly for what I need. I wish I could just have my needs anticipated and taken care of but such is life I suppose.
big hugs
and yes, we can’t rely on people reading our minds, if you want something you have to say it
It took me so long to learn this. My ex was just as passive aggressive and emotion driven as I am, so we were just in an echo chamber of passive-aggressiveness and expecting the other to read our minds. I made the effort to anticipate his needs but he never did the same for me.
It wasn’t until I got in a relationship with mr. Omoikiri that I realised how irrational that mindset is. Maybe it’s because he’s an engineer and very solutions-driven or maybe it’s because English is his second language and just didn’t pick up on the cues I was throwing out, but eventually he was like “this isn’t working. I can’t read your mind. We can’t address problems if you don’t tell me that there’s a problem.” It was like a slap in the face in the best possible way.
Sometimes it’s so frustrating and I just want him to instinctively know what I need because how can he not see it, but only we know what’s going on in our brains and emotions and only we can speak for them. So we need to because otherwise no one else will and you’ll just drown in it.
That last paragraph - yep!!! I was hinting like “I have no time to myself” and then being frustrated when things wouldn’t change enough. I don’t think the sleep deprivation has helped me with clear and rational communication haha.
Then I was like. Ok just ask more explicitly for what I need. I wish I could just have my needs anticipated and taken care of but such is life I suppose.