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Biden. Biden. I’m begging you. Summon Abbot to Washington then execute him on the steps of Congress. Not because it’s a good idea or would even make sense. Just do it for me because I asked nicely.
We need a black comrade to convince Biden they’re Barack Obama, it’s 2009 and Abbot is a secret Al-quaeda agent. Giving this plan a solid 50/50 chance to succeed.
Sending Greg Abbott and Ron DeSantis to Gitmo would be extremely funny
Ron DeSantis to Gitmo
Ron Desantis also allegedly aided in the torture of detainees; the people there trusted him and thought he was there to help and informed of the worst abuses they suffered; armed with the knowledge of which abuse the detainees hated the most, he advised the torturers there to make heavier use of them, and watched them being tortured with a smile.
Him going there and being tortured in those methods with the torturers thanking him for his advice would be awesome (much like what supposedly happened with the creator of the brazen bull).
I would love people to haunt DerSantis
with car batteries, wet towels, feeding tubes, and exlax.
Who does our best “Let me be clear?”
Summon Abbot to Washington then execute him on the steps of Congress
Drones are easier.
Yeah but damn the blood trickling down the steps is more metal
That’s where
comes in.Casting my O’bummer summon. After a 5 minute long cutscene he deals 9999 damage to everyone on the screen.
PLEASE
America eventually splitting up and warring with itself would come as a mercy to the rest of the world to be honest.
MFW one of the conditions is that the Great Satan is not fascist enough for some states.
Hawai’i and maybe California and Cascadia are redeemable.
There’s gotta be like one wild wild card among all the states. Like I dunno Virgina burns down Langley out of sheer anger over things generally and having made itself an enemy to so many things just turns into a Soviet
MFW one of the conditions is that the Great Satan is not fascist enough for some states.
That’s why the US went to war with itself last time. Southern aristocrats convincing themselves that the North was going to take their slaves, after decades of soft touch and appeasement.
California has a bear on our flag, we’re easily the best state
i can’t imagine it ending other way, but i also can’t imagine any force seriously challenging the federal government, or the federal government really fragmenting.
It begins…
(Also does someone remember who made this? I can’t find the post on here 😔)
CAN I SEE YOUR SOURCE CODE?
No. I wrote it in a langauge that I’m embarrassed to admit I like.
lmao
it’s ok, 99% of wordpress sites are php
Anything that has Utah being with California should be ignored. Mormons would take every opportunity to make the State of Deseret if they could. California splitting in half would make sense but along the State of Jefferson lines is more likely to me.
People making these maps truly have no understanding of half of the states’ politics. There is no way Nazi Idaho is going to go with Canada, California, or Minnesota. They would literally fight to the last enslaved child soldier rather than let either of those possibilities happen. They’re going with Utah to make Deseret. Illinois is never gonna vibe with TX or PA, they’re even more likely to tie in with Minnesota than Colorado is. Michigan’s two peninsulas will absolutely end up separated, the only things unifying them are the bottle tax and pot. Pennsylvania is way more likely to split into three parts than it is to split in two.
Breaking stuff down by state or even county is nonsensical. Urban/rural divides, cultural divisions and geographical boundaries are far more likely to factor in, and exactly zero US balkanization maps factor these things in.
Am I gonna have to do this myself?
Tbf he says at the bottom
IS THIS LIKELY TO BE ACCURATE? Probably not, but it’s precise, and if Nate Silver has taught us anything, it’s that precision matters more than accuracy.
I’m not convinced a balkanized US would even split along traditional state lines except in cases where the borders are rivers or mountains. The state borders are completely fictional and set up according to things like slave compromises or like treaties with France from 1740. They’d have no current geopolitical stakes.
The only one I could see being a problem is Louisiana, because their roads are noticably worse than every other state, so they’d be more difficult to annex
Even back in the 90s in school we were taught that Utah had to give up land to become a state instead of polygamy stuff.
It’s based on the strength of their national guards, so it’d be moreso about how much California values those uranium mines.
People forget that Mormons are a scary folk. Like I know Ammon Bundy and his family are at the end of some jokes but they are your classic example of a Mormon with a gun that does stupid shit for land.
but national guardsmen are known for being out of shape, stupid and scammers, they’re not real soldiers.
National Lard
Anything that has Utah being with California should be ignored.
California has a large Mormon community and Utah has a sizeable population that like having lots of fancy food, cheap imports, and money.
California splitting in half would make sense
No it wouldn’t. Outside of a few particularly loud assholes, nobody actually wants to make it harder to travel up and down the West Coast.
Yeah the only split I could see in California is if New Texas reeeeeally wanted a pacific port
Even then, there is some deep seated hostility between California and Texas on multiple levels. Like, they’re major internal economic rivals. They have state leaders that are constantly sniping at one another. There’s a material cultural divide. About the only thing the two can agree on is how much they hate migrants. And that extends as much to internal migration (Dallas/Houston/Austinites hating all these new big money California techies / San Fransisco and LA hating the blond bumpkins and their hick habits) as to cross border.
New Texas will be lucky to keep its hands on El Paso, much less stretch itself all the way across New Mexico and Arizona into the Baja Peninsula. San Diego sure as fuck doesn’t want anything that Texas is selling.
New Texas would have a cartel run puppet government within a year. This is a deeply held belief I have. The oil money ghouls would never give up the ports and refineries. New Texas wouldn’t have the strip of land going from Corpus Christi all the way to Port Arthur. It would all get seized by Saudi Arabia or a coalition of interests representing them, and that’s including Corpus, Houston, Beaumont, and everything between. Various gulf monarchies already own huge stakes in all that land and oil of current real life Texas. They’re not gonna give up some of their biggest ports in North America just because some bumpkins decided they wanted to play at being Stephen F. Austin.
New Texas immediately runs out of money, sells the state to the Sinaloas or Golfos or whoever else tosses money around. International oil committee seizes the southern coastline.
Any Cali regime that doesnt immediately put down Jefferson reactionaries like the dogs they are is fated to fail. Theres no way a bunch of suburban middle class morons in norcal could possibly compete with the economic power and sheer population advantage of everything south of Sac.
Michigan will never join Ohio. The rivalry is legendary.
We have more in common with Minnesota and Wisconsin. If Michigan joins the Minnesota / Colorado branh the amount of power of the nation’s fresh water sources would be overwhelming. The Great Lakes, the Mississippi and Colorado river basin. The farmlands.
My 7th grade history teacher was from Ohio, and he said if they won some big football game against Michigan then he wouldn’t assign homework for the rest of the year. They won, it ruled
You don’t need fancy algorithms. Just balkanise the US into the areas Europeans know:
- Cowboy-land
- Redneck-land
- Movies, Gays and Computers-land
- New York City-land
New York City-land
That’s where Avengers Tower is!!!
I’m willing to believe this is an accurate map of what would happen if all the states split up exactly along existing state lines, then fought a bunch of wars of conquest against each other.
Which is a stupid scenario, but being accurate to a stupid scenario makes it better than every other US balkanization map I’ve seen, so good job.
The stupidest part of this map is assuming that VA/DC/NC would side with Texas 90% of the time lmao. Map made by someone who has apparently never visited that part of the Eastern Seaboard
I don’t think this map factors in culture at any point, just civilian numbers, national guard strength, and tax revenue. It’s just a simple “if X declared war on Y, who would win?”
that makes it worse
Woah I feel seen for once
Biden gonna fold faster than Superman on Laundry Day
Yes, yes, start balkanizing.
Will biden back down like the absolute bitch he is, or will he offer a compromise to Abbott, thereby disguising that he’s backing down like a bitch?
fight! fight! fight! fight! fight!
i did NOT have “civil war” on my 2024 bingo card!!!why do we have an emoji of AOC’s bourgeois boyfriend
because we are jealous
