• Ilandar
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    43
    arrow-down
    6
    ·
    1 year ago

    If you know what it refers to then why complain? Why pretend this is some big attack on masculinity as a whole when it’s obviously not? Toxic is an adjective, it is used to separate the bad stereotypical attributes of masculinity from the good. No one is suggesting these behaviours can only exist in men and I don’t know why you’re so offended by the use of gendered words when we are specifically talking about problems associated with one gender. Enough with the manufactured outrage, engage in good faith for once.

    • Neato@kbin.social
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      10
      arrow-down
      4
      ·
      1 year ago

      I’ve seen this from men recently here. They are attacking words like “feminism” and “toxic masculinity” with crap like this. It’s because they know they have no real arguments against them that they go for ad hominem attacks. They hate the word “feminism” because they’d rather have equality for “all” and imply feminism is equality for women only. Now this dude is attacking “toxic masculinity” because “women can be toxic, too” apparently. As if it wasn’t coined because the predominance was found in men and was trying to call attention to issues men face. It’s just a new tact in misogyny.

      • Ilandar
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        5
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        1 year ago

        You’re right, it is a common tactic from the right to just immediately present any given social issue as an “attack on X”. But I also think instantly lumping people into that group isn’t always helpful either, which is why I asked for that person to chill with the hysteria and actually elaborate on their point. Unfortunately they are clearly intent on divisiveness and meaningless point scoring, so at that point you can hardly blame us for assuming the worst of their intentions.

      • Ilandar
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        24
        arrow-down
        2
        ·
        1 year ago

        Rather than make snarky, half-arsed replies why not take the time to articulate why you think “toxic masculinity” is such a problematic term? Why not engage in good faith with other people instead of instantly trying to turn this into yet another polarised yawnfest argument?

          • Ilandar
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            23
            ·
            1 year ago

            Opening with “ah yes” followed immediately by sarcasm is snarky. And yes, 13 words is a pretty half-arsed attempt. I think you can do better.

          • IHeartBadCode@kbin.social
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            4
            ·
            1 year ago

            I did in my first reply

            Look I get the knee jerk on hearing male. “Oh we’re talking about masculinity, that’s an attack on me.” But the topic at hand is masculinity.

            Why are so many boys and men feeling alone and in the cold?

            Yes, toxic behaviors exists in both mainstream genders. Shallow ass women who play on male insecurities is a thing. BUT that’s not the topic here. Like, you shoving the whole “but the other side” thing really comes like someone walking into a hospital being outraged they aren’t going to do a quick dental clean while you’re there. You’re in the wrong place. There is such a place to go to, but it ain’t here.

            I mean nothing but love for ya, but the knee jerk comes off a bit hard. Like we can have that discussion, but honest, I don’t think this is the thread for it. It feels like it detracts from introspecting by way of blaming the other team. I’m not downvoting you, I get where you’re coming from. But I just feel it’s distraction.

            And that is my opinion on the matter and nothing more.

              • IHeartBadCode@kbin.social
                link
                fedilink
                arrow-up
                3
                arrow-down
                1
                ·
                edit-2
                1 year ago

                It’s about sending young boys the message “toxic masculinity” over and over while they grow up and are trying to explore what masculinity means to them

                Is that what you think the point of the discussion here is? What you’re saying is valid but that’s not this setting. I think that’s the aspect that might be getting lost with what I’m saying. I’m not discounting what your saying, what I’m indicating is that “your argument, completely valid in general. But are we not speaking specifically of this thread?”

                It’s one of those things of, do you want to speak in general or in specific terms? In general yeah, we cannot just toss the term toxic masculinity all over the place with zero context. That’s just going to confuse people. BUT…

                Men need feminism too. Patriarchy and toxic masculinity harm both men and women in different ways

                The starting of this thread is examining a specific topic among the many and it feels like you want to interject a side topic for fear that someone here might get confused about the specifics of “toxic masculinity” and what the background of that is. We’re adults here and I think it’s safe to look at what the original comment was getting at without diving head first into what (to me and that may be different for you so I acknowledge that) feels like splitting hairs.

                And every time a young boy questions the term in confusion he will be attacked “but the other side” yadda is not valid like you just did to me

                Well. Are you a young boy? Are you confused about the term? And that’s the crux of what I am putting forward. And it isn’t in honesty an attack on you or at least wasn’t meant to be. We can talk “in general” about a hypothetical young boy, or we can be “specific” and address what you are and are not confused by. But we ought to avoid strafing between the two loosely because that’s going to be distracting in best light.

                So I hope you understand when you have:

                And every time a young boy questions the term in confusion he will be attacked “but the other side” yadda

                and:

                is not valid like you just did to me

                Is taking the context of that first statement and attempting to apply it to the context of the second statement where the context of these two things are different altogether. “But the other side” yadda is dismissive in the first context and pointing out distraction in the second. We can use similar sounding statements in varied context to convey different ideas. Just like the statement “we need to go deeper” can have various meaning between the background of being on an oil derrick and being a gynecologist. Context really matters.