I’ve got an idea for an app. Duolingo but for JOI and it’s the goth girl being like “Why don’t you tug on your little penis. Or don’t. I don’t care.” And the hijabi is cheering you on and encouraging you to use the Hitachi.

I’m on board. Teach me the impossible: how to be even angrier.

UH OH looks like you’re having BIG feelings!

Why not take your 10 minutes of zen and keep your happy streak going?

How many weeks do i have to practice to develop enough berserker rage to head butt a mountain?

You half assedly learned a few words in Spanish from an app. Now you can half assedly learn some coping skills!

Duolingo but it just teaches you cuss words.

Duolingo for ridding yourself of reactionary beliefs but instead of an app it’s a place, and instead of getting daily notifications you’re not allowed to leave until you’ve been rehabilitated.

I love the “[random app] for [unrelated thing]” format of “innovation”

faceapp for funerals

LinkedIn for coke dealers

CrunchyRoll for Silent Film Nerds

WeChat for War Criminals

Hey, it’s Duo. You haven’t gotten red face mad today. Got 5 minutes?

YOU ARE 45 MINUTES LATE FOR YOUR SCHEDULED MEDITATION!

I hate the gamification of life. You keep dripping dopamine coins and points for tasks and skills and the customers will never realize that their progress is subpar, if any at all.