- there’s a guy I’d like to know, we bump into each other sometimes. Last time I actually thought he was excited to see me but not sure of course… my self esteem is a rollercoaster.
- I can’t actually pursue something “serious” right now so I’d like to know him but in the most casual way possible. Just thinking about asking him out makes me feel sick
- this isn’t just about him but in general, what can I do, I really don’t know how to deal with myself.
I’m 26 and really need all help possible. I’m in a bad place at the moment and I didn’t even wanna post this… but a friend once told me to not let all areas of my life fall apart. Wish I had listened. Really just give me any advice you feel like giving me, it would be appreciated.
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“Hi” is really the most important threshold to cross
Crossed
Open communication is really underrated for some reason. Next time you see him, “I think you’re cute, would you like to grab coffee / tea sometime?”
I know it’s hard and scary, rejection fucking sucks, but if you don’t try you’ll never know. Just go into it with low expectations and then you can be pleasantly surprised.
It’s not even rejection, which terrifies me anyway… But just imagining going out with him (or anyone really) I panic, I’m afraid something could go wrong and I would spiral down the black hole again (happened badly once). It’s about me mostly and I don’t know how to deal with it. Because of course I don’t want to deny myself dates forever
Yeah that’s tricky, take small steps if you need to! What if you made a list of steps, with each step tied to a specific timeframe?
Tomorrow say hi. The day after ask how they’re doing. The day after try to find a mutual topic to discuss, that sort of thing? Break it up into smaller achievable steps, so that each step forwards isn’t so intimidating?
How often do you bump into each other? If you can rely on there likely being a next encounter, break your approach into smaller goals. Like the other commenter said, start with a “Hi” next time you see them. Then the next time add a little “how are you?” Build upon each interaction. Once you establish the super casual familiarity with each other, you’ll (likely) be more comfortable with expanding the relationship in whatever direction you see fit. Small, achievable wins lead to bigger, more exciting goals!
Thank you! :) I just hope I don’t bother him… cause I’m afraid he can tell I’m attracted and being that I’m not sure about him reciprocating… I don’t want him to feel forced to be nice or something
You’re welcome! And, honestly, having the awareness of possibly bothering him is half the battle of engaging with him without doing so. Trust yourself! Also, in that event, what if he doesn’t feel forced to be nice, but is actually just nice? In my experience, it still feels very flattering despite any awkwardness. The hardest part of things like this is waiting for the opportunity, try not to worry too much about outcomes in the meantime — you got this!
Maybe he feels the same way and is similarly scared? We often get so lost in ourselves we don’t stop to think how the other may be similarly panicking inside. Maybe you’re both the same internally =)
