c/neurodivergence isn’t being moderated at all lately. Three months ago there was the great post from [email protected] concerning ableism against people with NPD, and the amount of toxicity I saw in that thread was shocking. Some great people pushing back on the ableism and hate there, but I couldn’t believe those hateful comments were being left up, or the sheer volume of them.
Yesterday I posted a new article I wrote also concerning NPD, hoping I would get the same kind of positive response I’ve gotten from Beehaw in the past when talking about neurodiversity. But instead I saw nothing but hate, personal attacks, and vicious toxicity. This isn’t the kind of discourse I come to Beehaw to see, and I don’t think I’m alone.
Looking at the community history, it looks like the post volume has dramatically reduced since immediately before that first NPD post. I’m not surprised people are avoiding the community, I don’t intend to use it anymore either if what I received yesterday is going to be the norm.
The modlog of this community hasn’t been touched in 7 months, and the only comment removal visible at all is tagged with the removal reason “stupid comment”, which I frankly find quite ironic.
Can we please have some actual moderation on this community? If there is absolutely nobody else who can volunteer their time then I’d even be happy to do it Myself.
“Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others’ feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement.”
In talking to folks with various axis ‘disorders’ it’s important to remember you are talking to a person, not a series of diagnostic criteria or symptoms, get to know them and understand why they think the way they do, working with them instead of against them and worsening their trauma.
Us ND folks aren’t all the same and symptoms of a very understandable reaction to trauma are not our entire personality, thanks!
I’ve upvoted your post because I perceive you as respectfully voicing your opinion and mentioning supporting observations. I don’t get these vibes from @[email protected]’s rants at all.
Inclusion and tolerance are important, but I feel like @[email protected] is abusing these concepts. And that may or may not be a part of their diagnosis (who could even tell for sure), but the point is, people can’t expect everybody around them to accommodate each and every aspect of their state of mind all the time. Just as @[email protected] has a right to voice an opinion (withing the boundaries set by the community’s rules), so does everybody else. And that means people have a right to disagree with each other and/or call out obvious BS.
TL;DR: This is generally an extraordinarily tolerant community, but most people here are not therapists or psychiatrists looking to do pro-bono work.
Thank you.
Oh, I guess I am used to folks with various axis ‘disorders’ so I can see where @[email protected] is coming from as I can see past the diagnosis or symptoms and it’s true, being autistic one of my special interests is behaviour so I am more well versed in these things and I can tend to forget that others might not be or might see things differently to me as someone who sees what folks are responding to actually/with a different context.
Okay, I do agree that people shouldn’t expect others to acomodate them, however, I think it would be a much nicer world if we did at least try and listen to folk’s actual arguments rather than seeing them as a bunch of diagnostic criteria or symptoms and thus instantly dismiss their opinion.
I also do know it’s difficult when trying to have discussions online (true offline too) to maintain a sense of civility or to be told that how we have been thinking/referring to folks for years is wrong, especially when someone else seems so adamant that it is because they can come off looking unreasonable, however, I think taking a step back and at least trying to see things from a different perspective can be helpful in making the world a brighter and more caring place.
Yeah, that is fair that folks have the right to argue in favour or against something, however I do agree with @[email protected] that not many really engaged with the post seriously and They had to tank a lot of abuse or generally upsetting replies, though not all of it was abuse I agree there. I get that many folks thought it was BS. However, I suspect that is from years of media and conditioning/the general ‘zeitgeist’ being told that folks with NP’D’ or ‘narcissists’ are evil and bad or yes, fairly those who have trauma from growing up with parents who had NP’D’ or other axis ‘disorders’.
I have seen great shifts in understanding in recently years though away from the idea that everyone with NP’D’ is like this or will always be like this and I am glad. However, I think people with the diagnosis or symptoms should be listened to, even if it is difficult to as they may be understandably upset or angry about such misunderstandings or treatment at those who do not understand it etc.
Thank you for engaging with me on this.
I took my time writing a lengthy response to this, but considering the current state of affairs I’m not sure it’s a good idea to continue this discussion at the moment, even if in a strictly theoretical and stressedly respectful way. Maybe we can cross paths some other day in some other forum, I think I’d quite enjoy exchanging ideas with you. In the meantime take care.
I am genuinely not sure what you mean by the current state of affairs.
However, fair enough and I hope that you take care 🙂
Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound mysterious, I just didn’t think it was necessary to elaborate.
The thing is that there are three overlapping discussions on pronouns and the choice of certain words now, and as much as I appreciate the mutual exchange of ideas, I feel like a lot of what I’d have to say could be interpreted by some people as (re)starting arguments that lead nowhere… in other words, the return on investment in this thread is rather low.
Not to mention that I’ve started finding the whole topic tiresome. I’m all for people being who they want to be without judgement (and I have decades of past actions to prove that), but I also have the right not to care about other people’s perception of themselves or have that perception imposed upon me. And I’m invoking that right now for the sake of my own wellbeing. A few days without social media sound just about right.
You take care too, and see you in another thread sometime!
Thank you for explaining!
Thanks, see you around 🙂
I’m ND myself, thanks! The person I was responding to seemed confused as to why the poster is so upset with folks having mild disagreement with their statements, and I provided context.
Oh, did it looked like I was claiming you were not ND? I did try to specify Us ND folks, perhaps it came off incorrectly.
Okay, well it did I think come off as seeing them as a set of symptoms rather than a person, but I do understand your attempt at providing helpful context, though personally I do not think those are the reasons the person was upset.
The poster had to endure a lot of abuse in that post and so I think it is understandable, NP’D’ or not that anyone might be upset and drained after that.
I didn’t look at the post myself, I was just going off of the statement I responded to stating it was “mild disagreement.” That’s on me. As for the symptoms, I can explain in my own words next time, that may read better.
Fair enough.
Thank you for wanting to do that, I at least appreciate it.