Hey everyone,
I [28F] need some advice on handling anxiety when job hunting.
Almost a week ago I finished school and I’m once again without work. I’ve been job hunting about 40-50% of my adult life and it has taken a huge toll on my mental health to the point where I’m barely able to apply for jobs anymore. I have gotten a few warnings over the years due to not applying to enough jobs. ( I live in Sweden btw )
I have tried taking breaks.
I have tried waiting for the anxiety to pass.
I have asked so many for advice but it’s like they all give the same default answer. If their advice where enough, I would be a pro at job hunting.
I did get an autism diagnosis a few years back and I do feel better about myself, more confident and understanding of how I work so I think this time around will be different, but it’s like the old anxiety still hangs around and I don’t know how to get rid of it.
Please if you have any advice, I’d love to hear it.
The default answer is shallow-ish answers on how to write a CV or personal letter or how to act during an interview. Even when I ask for more details they just repeat the same stuff.
It’s like googling “how to write a cv” or “how to act at an interview”.
I’ve been following their advice and working really hard but still only get summer jobs for a few months. They tell me how good my applications are and that I’m brilliant and kind and that I’m going to do soooo well. So why is it so goddamn hard to get a job…
I have been thinking about seeing a therapist, we’ll see how my income will be as I might not be able to afford it.
FWIW, if you are carrying any anxiety around not being able to turn a summer job into a permanent position, I wouldn’t worry about that. In my experience it’s common for companies to dangle the possibility of a permanent role when in fact they know they have no intention of hiring someone permanently. They just say that because they know they won’t attract as many candidates if they’re honest. Or at least that’s how it is in the US; maybe it’s different where you are.
It doesn’t sound like you need help on the practical side of things. Although there are certainly basic questions you can ask. Are you getting interviews? If you are then that suggests your resume is good as that’s the resume’s job, to get you to an interview. If you’re not getting interviews then focus on your resume. A professional resume writer can really help as writing a good resume is a skill that not many people have the chance to develop. If you’re getting interviews but not getting offers, then it sounds like you need to focus on your interview skills. We can all offer generic advice that, as you say, you can find by googling. So again, maybe what you need is a professional. Someone who can see you in an interview setting and offer you constructive feedback.
Another suggestion might be to look for someone in your industry who could be a mentor. Someone who’s been where you’re at and can offer practical advice for finding a job in your industry. And it’s always good to develop relationships. How do you find a mentor? I would suggest starting on LinkedIn, assuming LinkedIn is used in your country, and finding someone who has the experience and background that fits what you are trying to do. Then just reach out to them and start a conversation. If they are local to you, offer to buy them lunch in exchange for the opportunity pick their brain. Be prepared that it might take reaching out to multiple people before someone responds, but if you can find someone who is willing to give you some of their time, you may find it’s really beneficial. Is there a professional society for your industry? If so, maybe reach out to them. They might have a mentorship program or at least be able to suggest someone in their organization who would be open to mentoring you.
Most importantly, just try to remember that this isn’t a reflection of your quality as a candidate or a person. Looking for a job sucks. It’s a rite of passage we all have to go through. You will get through this.
It’s the same in Sweden, summer jobs are just so the original workers can go on vacation.
I once had an interview where the interviewer where almost aggressively asking why I didn’t continue on every summer job I’ve had (like 3-4 summer jobs) I was really close to asking if she knew what a summer job is. That was weird.
This time around I’ve applied for 9 jobs so far, no interviews but one at least said they’ll soon recruit for a role that suits me better.
I might get help from the bureaucracy by assigning me a person to help me with everything that has to do with getting a job. I’ve understood that they can come along for interviews as support.
What can I ask a mentor?
There are a lot of professional societies (I’m a frontend dev) and I think I’m already in one, kind of. I had a trainee period at this office space with multiple tech companies. There are also meetups and stuff in the city next to mine, before the pandemic there were a lot of meetups and lunches there.
I’m also part of a small-ish group of people who wants to start regular meetups again (maybe online? https://www.gather.town/ would be perfect) but we are in that stage where no one actually starts planning and doing all the stuff that needs to be done. I have been thinking about setting up a kind of preview in gather.town and asking people at the office space for help and/or advice, I know some of them work with this kind of thing daily.
“This too shall pass” is slowly becoming my new mantra.
It is so hard to not slowly rot from the inside and out when job hunting.
It is hard to overstate the value of developing a good professional network. In 20+ years of working, I’ve only had to look for a job twice. My first one and once when my wife and I moved across the country to a city where I didn’t know anyone. All my other jobs (5 in total) came to me via people I knew. Who you know is often more important than what you know.
Those meetups sound like a great idea.
I’ve been building my network a lot these past 2-3 years. I’ve always had a really hard time building a network, partly because I’ve always felt so insecure about how to talk to people and keep a convo going and I also don’t really enjoy parties and other loud environments which most people seem to love.
But I think I’m finding my way, I can endure parties once in a while, even like them a little bit.
I used to get crazy nervous during interviews. I’d forget the most basic things, my legs would literally shake when asked to do demos (very typical during interviews in my profession). I then had an opportunity to interview for a job I did not need and wasn’t even sure that I wanted. That was the most relaxed interviewing experience I have ever had and I’ve tried to recapture that ever since with various degrees of success.
Before the interview I psych myself up with mantras like “They are not interviewing you, you are interviewing them.” or “‘I’m not sure, I’ll have to look into that and get back to you’ or even ‘I don’t know’ is an acceptable answer.” “Relax, breathe, and be yourself. It’s only a conversation.” type of things.
That with some slow breathing exercises right before going in really helped. Maybe something similar would help you?
I’ve always hated interviews, especially as you say, when I want the job I can barely do the interview and when I don’t really care, it goes almost smooth as butter. Which is the opposite of what everyone tells you to do, kinda.
I’ve also realized I’ve probably misunderstood some questions, you know the classic “Where do you see yourself in x years?” previously I would always talk about getting a house and dogs and a nice garden… That is not what they meant but I never dared to ask.
I like to think that “misunderstanding” questions means they did not ask a clear questing and so any fault would fall on them, not me.
The example you gave is also a horrible question. Where do most people want to be in 10 years? Probably financially independent pursuing personal passions without managerial oversight. It’s as annoying a question to me as “Why do you want to work here?” The same reason anybody wants any job, because I have bills I need to pay. They should be telling me why I should want to work for them. Both of those questions are red flags for me. Maybe the person is just not good at interviewing, or maybe it’s a toxic work environment that doesn’t value their employees. An interview should be trying to sell the company is me as much as I am trying to sell myself to the company. But maybe that is just me.
The fault may fall on them but it becomes my problem as I miss a job opportunity.
I’m definitely going to ask for clarification on what they mean when asking so broad questions.
It’s weird when an employee runs the interview as if this was a persons dream job. I don’t think many companies have that luxury.