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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Desperate_Jury_9332 on 2023-09-13 18:16:30.

I (22f) and my husband (23m) are expecting our first baby. This will be the first grandchild for my parents, my FIL, and the first great grandchild for my grandparents. We live 4 hours away from all our family except my grandparents.

I am planning a low intervention and low personell labor as having a bunch of people in and out would cause me a lot of stress which could slow labor. Because of this, I’ve only asked my mom and my spouse to be my birthing partners with no one else invited to the hospital for emotional and health/safety reasons.

My mom said she will run errands so my spouse need not leave my side, take over primary support when he needs a break, and offer coping suggestions. Essentially a doula who is also my best friend. She will then stay in the area for a few days to help with chores and meals so my hubby and I can focus on recovering and bonding with baby.

Some say it’s unfair to have my mom in the labor room but not MIL, but I’m not inviting people into my most vulnerable time just to be polite. I need my mom for support, where my MIL will only add stress for me. I love her, but she is very opinionated and likes to voice those opinions whenever the urge strikes. I don’t think I need that kind of thing when I’m trying to push a baby out my 😺 unmedicated.

Besides flu season, my midwife has advised we not let anyone without a current TDAP vaccine hold the baby for the first three months as whooping cough in newborns is a big issue in our area. My MIL is very against vaccines (and masks) and I know it would be hard-impossible to expect her to make the long drive to visit but not hold baby. Especially if we let someone else hold baby and not her. In the interest of fairness we’ve decided not to let anyone hold baby for the first two weeks to give his immune system a little chance to develop. We’ve asked all family to wait and not visit for a couple weeks because why make a long drive just to not be allowed to hold or touch the baby? We won’t stick to the full 3 months of no contact that was recommended, but do want to at least keep it very low contact with hand washing until baby can get their own vaccinations at 3 months.

My MIL called to tell me she’s upset that we don’t want her there for the birth or first week. We explained that it was based off our midwife’s advice and that we were asking all family to wait a little bit before making the trek down, not just her. She said the baby will have natural immunity and that she considers herself low risk for passing along any illness. I told her we want her involved and to be able to see the baby ASAP, but that our midwife has advised caution for this time of year. I said we could video call soon after birth so she can see him almost immediately, but she is still upset and wants to hold the baby sooner.

So AITAH for standing my ground and telling her we really didn’t want any visitors for at least a week or two?