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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ProfileImaginary7706 on 2023-09-13 11:46:04.
I (28f) gave birth to twins 2 years ago. My babies were seemingly born born healthy but before we could be discharged my daughter, Indie, suffered a seizure and never got to come home. For 8 months she’d go from getting better to worse again. Until the day came where she would never get better again. She slipped away peacefully in my arms and it’s something I will never forget. Our whole family were devastated by the loss of Indie. My ILs are crafty people and made a beautiful memorial frame for Indie. They kept one themselves and gave them to my husband and I and my parents.
My parents display theirs in the living room so everyone can see when they visit them. They also have candles directly under it. They light candles for the twins birthday and Indie’s anniversary.
My sister gave birth to her first child back May and she named her daughter Indie. I’ll confess that I have been unable to look at it as some beautiful tribute because it’s difficult to hear the name used for another little girl in the family other than my Indie. But I have kept that to myself.
Now a few months on my sister is bothered by the fact our parents kept Indie’s memorial up when her Indie will see it whenever she’s there. She said it’s very morbid and seems gross to do to her daughter who will grow up feeling very weird with her name on a memorial at her grandparents like that. My parents told her she should have thought of that before she named her daughter Indie. My sister was like “OP doesn’t own that name and I should be allowed to use a name I love”.
When our parents didn’t give in to her demands she came to me. She told me it bothers her and she knows it will bother her daughter in years to come. She wanted me to tell our parents to take down the memorial. I refused to entertain her idea. She pushed and I told her I did not want my daughter’s memory tucked away forever. My sister yelled and told me that my Indie is gone and there’s a living, breathing Indie who deserves to feel comfortable at her grandparents house. I told my sister to get the fuck out of my face.
My sister said I was a total ahole for putting the memory of Indie before her Indie. She also said it will only confuse my son in the future when his twin’s tribute becomes messed up in his only maternal cousin. She said I might not like that she used the name Indie but she is not changing her daughter’s name for me and I should have the decency to care about her child.
AITA?
NTA.
Your parents house. Your parents memorial to their grandchild. Their choice of where it displays and she can suck it. End of
Your sister not only appropriating the name, but then throwing a fit when the inevitable happened absolutely reeks of main character syndrome.
You were a bit harsh, but there are actually some legitimate points all around. Indie should be able to feel comfortable at the grandmothers’ house, so your sister is right on that front, and it is indeed weird that the memorial has been kept, in public, for so long. However, it’s their house, they have a right to keep it up if they want, and their right that your sister should have thought of this when she named her daughter Indie.
I don’t know if I’d call anyone TAH in this situation, although your sister’s decision to both use Indie’s name and subsequent indignation that people would still prioritize the memory of the Indie that came before her is certainly borderline.
