Canāt take being misgendered and harassed. He/himed. People starting arguments over their own intolerance and blaming the arguments on drag. Banned from trans communities on blahaj and then unbanned but the unban didnāt federate, so donāt know where to post this. In so much pain. Hopes this post wonāt lead to more pain. What do you do when nobody will believe youāre hurt, and every time you scream out in pain, youāre accused of having an agenda? What kind of agenda is just not wanting to be harassed anymore? They think theyāre winning when they fill a thread with drama and then complain about all the drama. They think theyāre doing something right? How do you tell people youāre honestly suffering and have them believe you?
self-harm thoughts
Do you just cut your skin open and show it to them? Is that how you convince them that theyāre causing you pain? HOW? How the fuck do you convince them that your pain isnāt a trick?
They tell you to block them while they misgender you and tell the whole world youāre the devil. āJust ignore everything Iām doing to hurt you and youāll be okayā. It doesnāt make any sense but they think itās right. They could choose to disengage this very minute but they donāt. They think harassment and misgendering is a crusade of justice. That hurting people is a moral good, but oh no, donāt you dare claim youāre hurt when I hurt you.
How the fuck do you post your tears on lemmy?
Drag has a therapist and sheās wonderful and drag doesnāt even have to pay to see her. She helps a lot every time drag sees her. But she canāt make harassment or misgendering go away. She can help drag deal with it. She can help drag not self harm about it. But she canāt take the pain away. A therapist can heal you, but they canāt protect you. Thatās two different things. Thatās like expecting a surgeon to make it so you didnāt get stabbed with a knife in an alley. Youāre still stabbed and still in pain. A surgeon just makes it so you wonāt die from the stabbing. A therapist is the same. Dragās therapist is making sure drag doesnāt die from the harassment, not erasing it. But drag would really like to be protected from it so that drag doesnāt have to go through all this pain.
My comment advice was just what has personal helped me deal with SH ideations. I donāt know a way to stop bigotry. It hurts to be invalidated and othered. I recommend building a stronger emotional buffer, do things that bring you satisfaction. I wouldnāt be able to deal with existing if it wasnāt for my hobbies. I have terrible self-esteem, so i find that doing things that make me feel intelligent, or self-confident, decrease the risk of getting super drained and SHing.
Drag has a frustration, even here in this community, with how problems get medicalised. A person is misgendered and harassed, and everyone says āget helpā, and they clearly mean āsee a doctorā, as if doctors are the only kind of help that exists. Everyone wants to talk about therapy and counselling.
Itāsā¦ gross. If someone is attacked, the problem isnāt their reaction. Being a victim of online violence isnāt a disease. It doesnāt mean something is wrong with the victim. The problem is with the one doing the harassing. But all anyone can talk about is what the victim should do. Not what the attacker should do. Thatās not right.
Drag told dragās friends about this thread and they didnāt like it any more than drag did.
Recommending medical help is good and does have its place. But drag hates when itās used as a thought-terminating cliche. āWe told the hurt person to go see a doctor. Welp, thatās everything that can be done. This conversation is over now. The therapist will magic away all the pain and we can ignore it now.ā
My initial comment was directly responding to you asking for help. Since I donāt know any better way to help you I went to advice. My intention was share to the basics of what helped me regain some stability in my life, whereas I think I came across as cold/fake. I wasnāt trying to minimize or suggest that you are supposed to be āfixedā, I wanted to make sure I covered all bases for what I thought were impactful when experiencing anxiety/depression/abuse. I mentioned hobbies, friends, social safety net, online or local resources, groups, and professional.
I was working under the assumption that you had no resources because I thought it would be the best way to respond quickly without waiting to ask questions like ādo you have a therapist?ā I get that it is annoying to get the similar redundant advice. I didnāt read the full comment section because my anxiety started spiking. I am sorry that I contributed to that.
The way I deal with abuse is to harden my shell and make sure to reduce any chances of getting hurt. Avoidance to the max. I sucks to feel hurt, but it is impossible to avoid it all.
My words were sincerely my attempt at advice. What drove me to respond in the first place was reading the spoilered-out intrusive thought. I literally went, āhow am I reading my own intrusive thought from someone else entirely?ā
Sorry for stressing you out. Drag didnāt mean to imply you were a bad example of that. Drag was pretty triggered after the initial āget helpā comment. That one wasnāt helpful to anyone, while drag thinks thereās a good chance your comment will be seen by someone who does need to see it. Drag chose to respond to that initial comment broadly and refuse to acknowledge the implied specificity, but drag supposes most people donāt take words literally enough to see what drag was doing. All they could see was the subtext that drag was choosing to ignore.
Feels nice to be told you feel the same way about people in online spaces perceiving your pain. Itās awful. Call someone a troll, and you can pretend their every gasp and sob is manipulation. You donāt have to care about the consequences of your actions. Causing pain is good. Fuck that thinking. Itās one of the reasons why drag doesnāt really believe in trolls. Dragās seen the belief in trolls turn people into monsters. Drag will leave dragās empathy on, even if it gets drag hurt, because hurting an innocent person is worse.