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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/foodconundrum on 2023-09-01 22:49:44.

I (32m, white) am potentially in trouble at work, but I don’t really think I deserve it.

My coworker, “Anna” (23-ish f, asian), is new at our office and she brings her own lunch on days we don’t have a food truck. On Thursday (yesterday), she brought in a homemade stir fry and used our shared microwave in the break room to do it. I was in the room when she took it out of the microwave, and it smelled heavenly. I asked her about the recipe and she told me it was just a bunch of ingredients and spices thrown together as to not waste any veggies that might go bad soon.

When I was telling her how good it smelled, I also mentioned that some other people at the office might think it would be too smelly or ethnic (as in, racist people tend to look down on “ethnic” things). I have read those kind of stories on here about microagressions when it comes to people of color and the food they bring in, and I wanted to warn her that she might not want to bring it in anymore so it doesn’t happen to her. I emphasized that it smelled good to me personally, though.

I guess a couple of the other co-workers in the room overheard our conversation, because after Anna left the room, some of them sort of quietly told me how it was inappropriate for me to have said that. I told them that it’s true, that ethnic food gets ridiculed for smelling too strong and that I disagreed with that senitment, but I also think she would face less harassment if she didn’t bring in that food anymore. One of my other coworkers then said that “I was the only one harassing her” and making insinuations that her food is problematic, plus the fact that she hasn’t even been bringing in her own food that often since she just started last week, so there couldn’t have been an opportunity to have had this hypothetical harassment happen to her. I just wanted people, yes, even the assholes, at the office to make her feel welcomed.

I left work that day not thinking anything of it, until the following morning where I hear from a different coworker that Anna talked to our HR department about the conversation and how she was “hurt”. I’m a bit frustrated as to why she didn’t talk to me about it first since it was just a misunderstanding and that I’m looking out for her. I did notice that today she was trying to dodge me, which is unusual and a bit heartbreaking. I just want to work things out. I wanted to be a friend to her and help her out since this is one of her first jobs out of undergrad, but this has been blown of out proportion. Now my coworkers think I’m racist, but I really try my best to be an ally, but then again what do I know?

So, am I the asshole for telling her that her food might be a bit too much for other potentitally racist people in the office to handle?