So I’m the house keeper. Not a big deal. I love cooking and I love her response to the food I make.
At least three times a week, she tells me she felt bad that her coworkers didn’t have a lunch, so I adjusted my cooking so her coworkers would have some sort of lunch if they didn’t or couldn’t bring anything. All she needed to do was bring the leftovers that she could share, and I would leave a small plate for myself for lunch the next day. SHE TAKES MY FUCKING LUNCH I MADE FOR MYSELF AND LEAVES THE LEFTOVERS FOR 4 PEOPLE! It drives me fucking insane. Stop bitching about coworkers not having enough to eat if you’re not going to fucking help. It makes me so God damn angry because now this food is either sit and go bad or I have to eat the same meal twice a day. My fucking GOD!!!
She didn’t explicitly ask me to make food, but she had told me that sometimes her coworkers don’t have lunch. Making meals from scratch costs pennies to the dollar, and I’ve heard the complaint enough to adjust my cooking standard to cook for 5 people. I know my wife cares about these people, so I care about these people, and I WILL not have someone go hungry, so if you if I get a hint otherwise, you’re getting a meal. However, I don’t think my wife has the same logic as I do. I hate wasting food, and I won’t do it if I can help it, so when she leaves the leftovers that are meant to feed all of her coworkers, it upsets me
This is, as others have said, a love languages thing.
Mine is acts of service. When I overstep for my wife and do things for her when she’s asking for an ear, she now understands what I’m doing and why and redirects me to actually listen.
That, and she enjoys all the cooking and cleaning I do so that she can relax when she gets home.
We almost never fight now as a result of this and it’s almost always a “This is what I need from you” kind of talk that we can both appreciate and respond to rather than just a screaming match.
You’re absolutely right. Ultimately we need to have a good talk about it