Hi! I (21M) recently developed a lot of tender feelings towards the idea of a particular kind of relationship lately.
For many years, I knew that I was heterosexual, but I never felt any romantic spark that made me want to actually pursue a relationship. Eventually, I assumed that I wasn’t interested, but a part of me always wondered if I was wrong.
One day, I got bored and tried to imagine a hypothetical relationship that would feel wonderful and natural for me, irrespective of societal norms. After hours of roleplaying hypothetical scenarios and writing down what made my heart the most happy, I finally settled upon a coherent vision for a theoretical partner.
She’d be really sweet and loving, but the twist is that she’d often take lead over me. She’d be on the confident and assertive side and would totally break my brain. She would often initiate affection unexpectedly, and I’d get all flustered and totally melt for her. She would adore my softness instead of expecting me to suppress it. She would call me cute nicknames like “Cupcake” or “Pumpkin”, and I would feel very comfortable and safe with her.
This blew my mind because it went against everything I thought hetero relationships were. And yet, I responded so strongly to it. I began searching to see if anyone else felt this way and I found “role reversal,” a term referring to the inversion of traditional heterosexual relationship dynamics. I found a role reversal community and it had the most adorable art I’ve ever seen and perfectly encapsulated what I wanted. (Some of this content can be found on Lemmy at [email protected]. I love this post in particular. Honestly, I’m thinking of reviving it and posting content there myself!)
A day later, I woke up with constant euphoria and a nonstop firehose of vivid romantic fantasies. It lasted all day, every day. For 10 days straight. My feelings were so intense that I barely ate anything and only slept for 3-4 hours a night without getting tired.
Those fantasies not only showed me how wonderful a relationship would feel, but also that I myself would want to be very affectionate and adaptive to my partner’s needs, not just my own. I was enamored with the idea of being the sweetest, most loving boyfriend I could be for her. It wasn’t long before I wanted a relationship like this more than anything else.
In retrospect, perhaps it’s unsurprising that my ideal relationship would be nontraditional. After all, I have spent my whole life fighting masculine gender expectations. I’m super outwardly emotional, I love to make people happy, I’m very gentle, I love adorable things, and I make myself look cute, nerdy, and non-threatening. I loved it when some of my female friends called me adorable and gave me cute nicknames, and I was full of admiration and gratitude when one of them physically protected me.
I feel like the phenomenon of role-reversed relationships is likely more common than the actual usage of the term. But perhaps I’m still a bit of a unicorn. So, what do you think? Have you seen relationships like this in the wild? Have you known about these dynamics, or are they unfamiliar to you? I’d like to know your thoughts!
Tiny woman here with big hulking male partner.
I love his stereotypical masculinity and physical strength. I like him to take charge in the bedroom as well.
But I’m more forthright with my views, with articulating a position, and with taking a conviction through to an outcome. He tends to equivocate or back down or second guess himself in moments of conflict or hardship.
I’ve stood up for him countless times, or helped him navigate through emotional complexity or points of conflict. I’ve held him when he’s cried through loss. He’s come to me in situations not knowing what to do, feeling small and broken.
We have pet names for each other and mine for him are not exactly butch, and he doesn’t mind.
I’m no princess and don’t mind getting my hands dirty, and I’ll take on any physical challenge my little body will allow. But our strengths in our household and our relationship goes beyond our body size and gender.
We enjoy the stereotypical feminine and masculine traits about each other. But our closeness relies on the ability to find the strengths in each other that aren’t assigned to our genders by society.
What I’d warn you against in your excitement over this realisation is that there are few women out there who will just want/need those softer attributes from you. To be a well rounded person, let alone an equal partner in a relationship, you need many different qualities. I’m not saying ‘hit the gym’, I’m saying strength is needed from both sides when things get hard. Strength comes in many forms - don’t expect her to be the only one with it.
Eloquently said!