In my 30’s and only within the last few years have I been able to really introspect my life, and realize behaviors that I’ve “created” or “fake” in social interactions. I struggled a lot in middle/high school, and even through my 20’s. I’ve essentially “found” myself to some degree in my 30’s, but I’m actually not sure how much of it is me and how much of it is masking.
I recognize the signs when I’m being fake in interactions that would benefit from being more genuine. It’s automatic, and I’ve noticed others take notice when it’s the wrong mask at the wrong time. Which just means I get better at it, which is nice and all, but it would be cool if it wasn’t such an automatic reaction.
So my question to all of you is how do you reduce masking behavior in situations or relationships where it may be beneficial or necessary to not do so?
Awkwardly I guess you could answer this with “You get better at it with time”, which is true of most things. However, I’m looking for some emotionally intelligent advice or anecdotes.
I am sleepy, and I can’t really think right now - but I saw the topic and got all =(! Cause it’s like a super painful thing. And I had to have a big girl talk with someone about this just today. I said there might never be a time when you can stop masking completely in social situations because deep down inside you’ll always be the stinky kid who really likes bugs and that’s just who you are - and like - own it but also realize that there’s ramifications for being “weird” and that you can find little hacks to make yourself more palatable but in the end you’re going to have to plan MASSIVE quantities of healing downtime to get back in working order. So plan things as smartly as you can. But also just live your life because fuck it.
Anyways, true story - around my partner I am just a stinky human and it’s great. I can’t tell you anything else. I didn’t talk for a hundred years until I found the love of humans, and now you can’t shut me up. So I think I got lucky, because one of my “hyper-focuses” is just enjoying people’s personalities and stories (as long as they’re not a snippy cunt because fuck thatttttt!). But I saw my sibling also kinda blossom like a little flower too. Doesn’t mean we don’t need our downtime. None of this probably helped, but I guess just be yourself like…most times. And snip anything that seems radical. Also if you don’t need to be around someone who triggers you (by this I mean they internally freak you out so badly you want to jump out of your own skin and they make you like actually scared to talk or just like…exist) please don’t force yourself. And if you do, go into super robot mode and just like - keep it strictly business. Because they’re not worth your time, and I swear to god - those kinds of people get a kick out of hurting others and will zero in on your “differentness” and just smash you to pieces like a lego house. So you know, fuck them - you’re entitled to live, breathe and take up space. You’re not a weirdo, you’re just different. I just say weirdo because that shit’s been shoved down my throat. But you know, I love myself - so like I guess that could probably help too. Cultivating self-love. Cause nobody, but nobody (outside of maybe your mama) is ever going to love you like you could love yourself. And I am not talking about in a superficial way. But more so in a like…accepting way and just being a strong advocate for your time, space and well being.
Good luck fellow mayhapsby bug-kid!
p.s. - DON’T MASK ALL THE TIME IT WILL LEAD TO BURNOUT AND YOU WILL BE FUCKED! Look into it. But yeah, don’t do it!