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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MountainShenanigans on 2023-10-02 12:28:42.
AITA? My husband & I had planned a family outing on the lake boating with my nephew “Bubba” (37), his wife & kids, along with other family. Bubba initially called to cancel due to a planned shoulder surgery as it would likely be too soon to go while recovering. I agreed and told him I would call and move the reservation another month away, so he would have more time to recover. However, by chance my husband saw a FB post by Bubba 3 days in advance of the outing revealing that he rescheduled the surgery for the same day as our outing (which was fine) but he never informed us (which imo was rude as hell as the boat rental was considerable $).
Despite being a bit pissed, we just chose to let it go, as we also had a big trip to Yellowstone for our 40th wedding anniversary planned with him and the family coming up. We then learned from my brother (his father) that Bubba might not be able to go due to financial issues. So we offered to help him with the trip so he could still go. However he never responded to our text message.
Up till the day we left, they never did respond. They just completely ghosted us. I was pretty upset about this, but my brother said, “You just have to let it go. It’s not anything you’ve done; my children are just terrible communicators. They do the same thing to me, it drives me crazy sometimes!”
After the trip, at a family BBQ my brother held, neither Bubba nor his wife brought up the boat outing, Yellowstone, our anniversary, or apologized in any way. Most of the time, he sat on the couch focused on his phone. He did, however, give me a hug on the way out the door and a verbal “love you.”
So, after a long discussion my husband & I came to the conclusion that neither Bubba nor his wife really cared about us or our feelings. We were simply a nuisance that they had to navigate. So for our sanity, we decided we wouldn’t shun them of course, but we would no longer go out of our way to pursue a relationship with them, as it would only lead to further heartache. We kept friends with them on FB, but removed them from our feeds, as it was just too painful seeing their posts all the time.
However, out of the blue, I just got a text from Bubba, personally inviting us to his 10th-anniversary celebration via FB. Wow. Both my husband & I are incredulous. They completely ghost our invite for our 40th anniversary in every way possible, and then turn around and want us to celebrate their 10th! I responded “thanks” to be polite, and then on FB, I chose “Maybe” on their invitation, as I am hoping for an apology. Cause hey, if you apologize to us before your anniversary for ghosting us on ours, I’d be happy to go. Just one apology is all I need. Even if it sounded insincere as hell, I’d accept it and never bring up the issue again.
So by not going, unless there is an apology, are we the assholes? Or are we supposed to be okay with this? I don’t want to be an ahole so I am reaching out to Reddit for an unbiased opinion.
YTA.
In case you’re not aware, you generally don’t get to decide when surgery occurs. You get told a slot based on when the bay / staff are available - and it’s especially nuts at the moment with covid, resulting in delays and things being pushed out. So he didn’t ‘deliberately’ schedule on your anniversary, shit just happened.
You knew he was foing to be having surgery/ be post surgical and still tried to make him come. A third party said ‘possible money problems’ and rather than afford dignity you jumped on it as the real reason and tried to throw money at it to get what you want. No. This is a grown man with his own life, kids, probably dealing with leave allocation since just had to take time off for surgery, YOU ARE NOT THE MAIN CHARACTERS IN HIS LIFE! He has his own concerns! And he’s just a nephew! His dad literally told you they just suck at communication but you’re acting like he went out of his way to slight you, the central character in existence. They send you an invite and eather than mention your upset you decide it’s another slight because he should magically know how how you feel and act like a goddamn 12 year old in a snit. Get tf over yourself.