It still checks out.

But what if you’re not happy? Not only do you get to stay sad, but you have smarmy assholes like anon here giving you shitty platitudes about how you’re failing to be happy despite all these “beautiful reasons” everywhere.

“If your life is shit, then be happy about the shit you got”. This lady must work in HR.

In other words:

The best part of my life right now is the bit where I’m not awake to witness it. Today I have to go drop a few hundred dollars on keeping my car running the same way it was yesterday. Then I get to go home and drown my sorrows in front of the computer because nobody else will hang out with me.

At least there’s alcohol. It’s probably cheap though.

I guess some people don’t really have much going for them.

If you think you’re the funny one then you’re probably the mean one, laughing at other people’s expense. Those that laugh with you secretly hate it, but don’t want to get on your bad side. I also note that OP makes no mention of either or not there are any friends in her life to actually help. It’s a bit like saying you always stop to feed every needy elephant you see on the street. I too go out of my way to pet the sad giraffes.

Listen, there’s nothing to be happy about here.

Wait, we’re not going to be negative here just because he has nice things to say about us? I don’t discriminate, and what recommends this dude to be the judge of how creative we are? For all we know, OP is just a boring little man that likes to quietly tee-hee at other people’s witty quips. Hardly an authority on creativity, pardon me for not bothering to impress.

I’m happy you like it!

There you go:

Someone reading this is probably killing a kitten as we speak.

👉👈

These are some tough requirements.

It’s the best I can do:

I had some help from DALL-E

A man stuck in an endless online Teams meeting where everyone is talking over each other. Their faces are all clearly visible on the screen in front of him. The meeting is to discuss a previous meeting so that they know what needs to be brought up at the next meeting.

I love it, also that’s a campaign slogan I can get behind.

Perfection!

I’m thinking about a giraffe that tried to swallow an entire human, but it’s stuck in its throat. So now the fire department is there trying to help and people have gathered around to watch. Someone started a sausage sizzle and there are campaign posters everywhere. The people are chanting a slogan, I can’t quite make it out.