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  • 0 Posts
  • 77 Comments
Joined 7 days ago
Cake day: June 29th, 2025
  • fartographer@lemmy.worldtoTHE POLICE PROBLEM@lemmy.world•This is bad newsEnglish
    3·
    3 hours ago

    Japan just happened to punch the wrong bystander in the eye during their last bar brawl. Then, we started shooting everyone associated with Japan. It just happened that we were shooting the countries that were more in the wrong.

    All of the people we accidentally protected assumed we were on their side and didn’t realize that we REALLY like shooting things. So much so that we’re willing to give guns away just to have an excuse to start shooting again. But by the time countries realized that we have really strange opinions on religion, the value in starvation and disease, and assigning humanity based on colors, they’d already given us the guest key.

    We have no friends, countries are either in our sights or not.

  • fartographer@lemmy.worldtoCoffee@lemmy.world•Sometimes you make a decent rosetta, sometimes you make an airplane with testicles
    4·
    3 days ago

    My credentials (nearly none):
    I’m a six-espresso-shot in the morning kinda guy and I don’t think I’ve ever said no to a cappuccino. I have a super-automatic espresso maker/milk frother that my wife and I bought in exchange for not buying coffee while out for 6 months. When I wanna get fancy with my cappuccino, I pull the espresso using a hand pump press and foam the milk by hand.

    My opinion:
    Once I’m done admiring the crema of my espresso and have smelled all the potential ingredients to decide what will make me happy for this cup, I pour them into a cup and drink it. I like my coffee drinks to look like someone put the ingredients in the cup in a way that makes sense. I get really sad when people make art in my drinks because my gluttonous drinking style and mustache are going to ruin it immediately. I feel like someone showed me a painting they’d completed over the course of a month and I were to run my fingers across it saying, “oh wow! I love the feeling of dried oil paints!”

    Summary:
    Between the two, I guess I prefer the Italian style, but even that would drown me in guilt the moment I took my first sip.

  • fartographer@lemmy.worldtoNews@lemmy.world•US immigration budget now bigger than most of the world's militaries
    14·
    3 days ago

    I was gonna say that you can’t just row across the ocean, but apparently you can.

    If you gain the sponsoring for an ocean rowboat, you can then secure sponsorship for the 3-4 months-worth of food since restaurants and gardens are hard to come by in the ocean. I understand that fish live in the ocean, but fishing eats into your 17 hours per day during which you’ll need to row. Also, trying to handle fish on the open ocean in a small boat is an incredibly risky maneuver. Even worse, once you catch the fish, you gotta set your boat on fire so that you can cook it and not get parasites.

    All told, it’s significantly cheaper to just fly, but that’s unhelpful advice to someone who just told you that they can’t afford to uproot their life and fly to another country. You might ask, how can you not afford that, and the problem is that hiking across countries smaller than my state gives you opportunities to work odd jobs in exchange for shelter, food, and money. But since planes and airports generally don’t hire random passengers, it puts you back in that “I’m fucked” boat that you suggested.

    Also, all this is giving your unserious comment the credence that you weren’t talking about taking a gondola ride across the Atlantic.