• 16 Posts
  • 242 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
cake
Cake day: July 5th, 2023

help-circle

  • Ours would say:

    Party 1

    • Round up all minorities and immigrants into camps. Create jobs ‘digging the death pits’.
    • Replace ‘Separation of church and state’ in the Constitution with a copy of the ‘Right to bare arms’ amendment, but this time in all caps.
    • Repeal all environmental protection laws. The “free market” will ensure companies don’t pollute. Even if they did, climate change is a hoax so it doesn’t matter.
    • Eliminate all healthcare plans. If God wants you dead, and you’re poor, so be it.
    • Eliminate term limits for conservative politicians. Implement term limits for liberal supreme court judges.

    Party 2

    • Laws that aren’t just a toddler’s power fantasy


















  • Not the happy ending I was hoping for. Here’s how you should have ended it:

    "Turns out, the guy she was cheating on my with gets fired from the college for inappropriate relations with students. Afterwards, he gets a job at my dad’s company as a corporate trainer - reporting to my dad! My dad knows who he is, but keeps it a secret for the next 8 years. All the while, he continuously passes the guy up for promotions, gives him the shitiest work to do, bad performance reviews every year, and generally makes his work life hell. It’s a small town though, so there is literally no where else for him to go.

    Meanwhile, at home, my ex and the cheater are having trouble conceiving. Since they can’t afford the premium insurance at work, the fertility treatments they need are too expensive. They decide to keep trying instead of adopting, and eventuality the clock runs out. She’s 40 and it’s too dangerous to try and have kids at that point. They give up.

    My dad finally decides to retire and the cheater thinks it’s his big chance to finally get promoted. Instead, my dad recommends hiring me as his replacement. They follow his recommendation. Day one, cheater confronts me about how angry he is and I fire him on the spot for insubordination.

    He’s now out of work with no option. They can’t afford to relocate. So, my ex has to get a job. She has no skills or experience so she decides to work the local gentlemens club. However, at 40+, she’s not pulling in the tips, so she starts turning tricks for more money. To steer clear of the police, she starts bringing the Johns home for work. Cheater has to sit in the next room while he listens to her get plowed over and over by random dudes ever night. Every once in a while, he’ll hear through the wall one of the Johns ask “How’d you end up doing this?”. To which she replies, “My man just couldn’t keep his fucking mouth shut at work.”. It’s not too long after, on a night where she’s satisfying two dudes at once - one a local mechanic the cheater knew growing up, and the other the local youth pastor - that he decides to eat a bullet.

    It’s been 3 years since then. My ex is still working, though with her age, she’s had to leave the local club locations and frequent the truck stops more. Every once in a while, I’ll stop for gas and meet eyes with her as she exits a truck on the other side of the parking lot. She never waves. She just stares. Then, she gets into the next truck."

    Edit: Epilogue: Those cops died of dick cancer.