Yeah, many people here are way less open than you’d otherwise think.

I guess that makes sense. I’m not sure where discuss.online is but I guess it’s close to Europe, closer than aussie.zone is at least.

Good point, even though their power is limited to their instances they can make subtle changes to annoy or frustrate Lemmy usage for LGBTQ people, or refuse changes that could make it better for us, including pronoun tags, or vote transparency. Though while I can see how they can cause issues for us indirectly, the issues I mentioned seem to be more so the responsibility of the admins of Lemmy.world and the moderators of the communities there.

It’s unfortunate that it must be like that, people like us should be able to feel safe being who we are and not have to hide and pretend to me something we aren’t. That’s why it’s so important that this problem be dealt with on a large scale, by instance admins across the fediverse.

I wish more instances would handle banning transphobes the way Hexbear does. No tolerance for Bigotry. Lemmy.world though seems to unfortunately be quite lenient about it ☹️

I haven’t noticed that, it seems to be working fine from where I am. People were able to respond to me and vote just fine, I commented in a Lemmy.world thread the other day.

Most people who are transphobic know what they are doing, I’m certain the people I saw do. They’re not going to change, they need to be given the boot to protect our communities from becoming Nazi bars.

Yeah, we need more instances to do this. People who undermine our right to exist represent an existential threat to our existence. No matter how innocuous it seems at first glance.

Folks this is what should happen in any decent Lemmy instance or community, someone posts transphobia apologia and the comment where they did it is removed. That is the bare minimum of what should happen. They should also ideally be banned from the community. This is an example of communities doing what is necessary to protect minority groups, as well as not letting their communities become safe-spaces for intolerance (AKA, Nazi bars).

That’s good, the more who receive the reports the better, and the more likely it is something will be done.

Will it reach the admins there if I’m on a different instance? I’m not exactly sure how reports federate but I heard admins on other servers can’t see them, or won’t always see them.

Agreed, this is a really bad take. I feel like this person is one of those people spreading thinly veiled transphobia and dogwhistles. That’s what that is, claiming we are self-centered, too sensitive, slowflakes, triggered, etc. That’s what they say to try and deny the legitimacy of our struggle, and the fact that in the end what we want is basic respect and recognition, they don’t even want to do that.

You are extremely self centered in how you see the world. There are as many people in the world and in the fediverse that would say kick you out because you don’t have their best interests at heart.

Wanting basic respect to not have my existence and rights debated or denied is not self-centered, kindly go fuck off if you think it is. If me being transgender and wanting basic respect, and not having my existence and identity denied doesn’t “have their best interests at heart” they can fuck off, because they are nazis and bigots who don’t have my or my minority brethren’s best interests at heart. This isn’t asking for special treatment, this is asking to not have my existence and identity denied. Something that cishet people take for granted.

Folks this is an example of one of these dogwhistles I pointed out, trying to claim that wanting basic respect as a person and the way I identify is somehow self-centered. Fact is LGBTQ people just want to exist without prejudice or having their existence and validity debated, that isn’t an unreasonable ask and yet there are people who will screetch and whine when simply being asked to show respect, not even told, asked.

Sure I can provide some examples:

I just wish they wouldn’t force their gender and pronouns onto other people

Translation: Doesn’t believe trans people are valid and doesn’t think people should respect our preferred pronouns

I just think that they need to keep it to themselves and leave kids out of it

Translation: Doesn’t believe we should exist in public, that we are a threat to children by virtue of being transgender.

It’s important to protect women’s spaces

Translation: Trans women shouldn’t be allowed to use the same spaces cis women use

There’s also more subtle ones such as people referring to cis women as real women, or referring to the transgender movement as gender ideology. The first one is wrong because trans women are real women, and the second one is wrong because transgender isn’t a religion or organization like a church. They are calling it an ideology so they can pretend there is an institution to fight against, in reality transgender people just exist and want to live our lives.

I’m not sure how relevant that is, considering most of the accounts I’ve seen doing this are from lemmy.world, I’ve seen some doing it from .ml but most are from .world.

I’ve been trying for years, and while it does sound different than before I know it will probably never pass. Many people have said it does to be nice, and while I appreciate them trying to make me feel better, passing or not passing is a serious problem for me. I did use voice test apps, and sent samples of my “fem voice” to voice training communities without telling them my gender first and they said it sounded masculine. Plus I can’t do the different voice too long before I get tired but if I don’t even pass with it, what’s the point?

Yeah, it can be scary. That’s why it’s good to have safe spaces where you can be yourself and talk about these things. I sent you some links to communities that might be helpful, best part is, they’re right here on lemmy.

I really hope at some point you get to a point where you can feel comfortable expressing yourself in ways that match who you are. I’ll admit it does take some hard work, but the rewards are often worth it, they come in the form of self-acceptance and being happy with who you are.

would be a 6’3 trans woman with shoulders like an NFL linebacker, and likely in my mid to late 40s at best.

I know many people who felt that same way and they still pass wonderfully, yes it does take hard work and does take time. But it’s nowhere near as hopeless as it seems.

My family is never going to disown me, mind, I could burn down an orphanage on Christmas Eve and dance in the ashes and my mom would be livid, but that lady would love me and I’d be still welcome at dinner.

I’m glad to hear that your family is accepting. That’s more than I can say for my family. I haven’t talked to them in almost 7 years. They wanted nothing to do with me when I came out as trans, and were especially disgusted by the idea of me being on HRT. It’s nice to hear that your family will still accept you even if you choose to make changes.

I’m never going to feel comfortable in my own skin, so I figure I might as well be uncomfortable and still enjoy the benefits and privilege of cis white guy status. Do I hate my body? Yes. Do I wish I could change in fundamental ways that go far beyond simple weight loss or whatever? God yes. Do I realistically have the resources to make that happen and reach a point where I think I could like my body? No.

I used to feel a very similar way before my egg broke. I thought I could just push it down and live life as a normal cis boy. I couldn’t. The dysphoria eventually becomes unbearable. It can feel overwelming and hard to take the first steps, hard to make the first changes. I recommend taking things slow and starting with little things. Maybe you might not be ready for HRT but maybe try out some little social things that might make you happy, like makeup or nail polish, just something that feels gender affirming to you. You could even do these things in private. Just little things that can be first steps then take it slowly from there.

Oh God. I’ve never actually admitted any of this before, and I’m a little scared shitless right now. I seriously may delete this.

It’s okay if you want to talk to me about it more privately I can do it in DMs . If you want to reach out to others in the community here are some good communities that can help:

Discussion:

• [email protected]
• [email protected]
• [email protected]
• [email protected]

Memes:

• [email protected]
• [email protected]
• [email protected]
• [email protected]

If you want to speak in a more private place I’d recommend joining the Blahaj.zone group on Matrix, instructions on how to join that here: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/15256176

Don’t worry, I’m happy to listen to it if it can help out a fellow transfem sister.

I tried and no matter how hard I try my voice doesn’t pass as fem. Some people say it does trying to be nice but when I showed samples to some voice training communities without telling them my gender, just asking if it sounds masc or fem they confirmed my suspicions, voice training apps also confirm my voice is still well within the masc range. It’s tiring to keep trying and if my voice doesn’t pass unless people are being nice I don’t see the point, still makes me feel bad though 😭