I had my first appointment today with a new provider - a nurse practitioner - at the third practice I’ve tried since getting diagnosed with ADHD in January. I’m kinda reeling from it, and I’m trying to make sense of my feelings, because idk if I’m just sensitive because I’m unmedicated for the third day in a row (didn’t know if I’d get a refill today, trying to conserve what I had) or if it’s a bad fit or if it’s just new provider weirdness or what.
Brief history - first provider was through an online practice, couldn’t get the Rx filled. Second provider was local, was a truly wonderful fit with fantastic rapport, but she was starting a new practice and ran into problems with state rules regarding prescribing and had to transfer my care back to the online practice. Third provider, again through the online practice, was very perfunctory and disinterested, gave a refill but needed an in-person referral to continue due to federal rules regarding prescribing, so I transferred to this third practice.
The nurse practitioner I saw today was mostly kind but asked a couple questions that hurt my feelings but probably shouldn’t have - “Are you always like this??” at one point 😂🤦😭 yes, yes I am - and seemed disinterested anytime I got very deep into any elaboration. I figured out once I got home that he had already viewed the big huge document I shared outlining my symptoms/experience and why I was seeking help, so that’s why he seemed impatient with my blathering, though I do wish he had come out and just said that.
Idk what I’m looking for. Experiences, commiseration, validation, anything vaguely resembling relating to any of this - I’m feeling like a real weirdo right now. Like, I understand I’m not neurotypical, that’s why I was there seeking help, but it’s been a while since I felt it so thoroughly after a conversation, especially when I guess I went in there hoping to come out feeling at least a little understood. Maybe he’s not a good fit, or maybe my super awesome experience with that second practitioner has skewed my expectations?
What is your relationship like with your care provider(s)? What kind do you see? How long have you been seeing them? Have you seen others? What were those relationships like?
Anything you feel like sharing after reading this will probably help me.
I’m sorry. It can be frustrating. I’ve hopped through so many care providers from either changes in insurance or moving or they retire and refer me out and then I feel like I’m starting over with someone new that doesn’t really understand me. And of course the diagnosis changes depending on the doctor’s background.
Oh that last sentence has been a fear I’ve been trying to suppress! I’m hopeful that I’ve had enough clinicians agree that it’s ADHD to make it very hard for anybody to mislabel me now, but I worry a lot about getting the classics they use to dismiss women: BPD, depression, anxiety, etc.
How have the diagnosis changes affected your life?
It’s been confusing and hard. It wasn’t until I got an ADHD diagnosis that it started making sense and was treated properly. The first 15-20 years of my adult life were simply treating depression or anxiety but never looked at the whole picture. Also being 2E my symptoms weren’t as outwardly obvious or was easier to mask them so it’s generally been an uphill battle finding a doctor who will listen with an open mind. I had good grades in school but it took me over two years to call an A/C technician. I really hope your treatment goes smoothly and you’re able to get the support you need to live an enriching life.
So I had the 4th session with my new therapist today, and so far they have been really caring. But today they felt kind of annoyed I called them, even though it was for my appointment. And after I talked about what was going on with my week, 28 minutes into our 60 minute session, they told me “okay, do you have any other issues?” And I was like, oh, i guess I don’t right now? “Great, talk to you next week” and they hung up. I really don’t want to start over with another therapist because the last one was not great either. And I’ll tell you that story next, it’s short.
My wife’s therapist is really nice and I like her, but I can tell she’s looking out mostly for my wife (and thats okay). I asked her for a good recommendation and they gave me a newer therapist for her office. He asked about my traumas, and then pivoted hard to “what kinks do you have, I like to be spanked” . And he laughed it off when he saw that made me uncomfortable. I told my wife’s therapist, about it, since I think she hired him , and never saw him again. Actually took me a lot longer to try again because of that experience.
Never give up on yourself, you are absolutely worth it. Health care providers are just people and we are all just trying our best. As far as getting medication refilled and having to talk to new healthcare providers a lot that sound disinterested, that sounds hard. You are very brave to be doing that for yourself.
Omg! Idk how I could ever confide in someone who treated me the way your therapist treated you, that’s terrible. Talk about disinterested! And after that rollercoaster with the other guy, my goodness. I think you’re incredibly brave, too.
How did you find your current therapist? I know I definitely need therapy too, but money has been enough of a hurdle that I haven’t had to confront my fears about confiding in a stranger. How do you even decide who to call to set up an appointment? Do you interview them on the phone before making that first appointment?
