I honestly feel bad posting here again, I feel like a burden. It’s just me struggling… so feel free to skip this post and look at more interesting things
the past two months have been much tougher for me than usual, and when I am not doing well, my capacity to interact with other people is pretty close to zero. I feel a very strong desire to be alone. Having other people notice that I am not well is pretty much the worst thing - I can’t talk about what’s wrong, and every time I tried my best expressing myself it didn’t help. All I really get is advice that does not work for me. So I usually try to pretend I am okay, but at a certain point I can’t even really do that anymore.
problem is I’m not living alone. I’ve skipped quite a number of meals in the past week because I don’t want to get into conversations that I don’t want to have. I feel like it would be disastrous unmasked, that’s why I go this far just to avoid interaction. both of my roommates judge me for spending so much time in my room and I think they tell me to get out every time they see me. I never know how to react to that. Being open about my mental health isn’t a good idea - it will end up in them giving me advice that might work for neurotypical, and then they’d blame me if I don’t follow their advice. They already kind of do that. I’ve told one of them about my diagnosis but I don’t really think that has no meaning for him.
I feel pathetic skipping dinner anything because I want to avoid social interactions. But in all honesty, I still think it is not worth the stress.
I think you have larger problems than the extent of this post, but honestly what worries me the most right now is that you’re missing meals. The foundations for any person’s health is food + rest, and letting your mental issues consistently get in the way in those has a large risk of turning into a vicious cycle. If you cannot eat with your family, you should take food to your room.
I suspect that you haven’t done this because you think this will create conflict at home. If this is correct, you have to face this question: how much are you willing to let your physical health deteriorate before you decide to find a solution? Are you willing to have someone else impose their solution on you later down the line?
I’m sorry if you feel like I’m pushing you towards a situation that you instinctively feel as problematic, but you have to take some minimum care of the foundations before you fix the roof. Do not feel bad for asking for help, everyone feels at a lost sometimes through their life.
it is viscous and it affects pretty much everything I do. The people I live with aren’t really able to understand my condition, so I can’t expect to work out something that works well for me. I’ll move somewhere else when I have the time, energy and opportunity to do so, but until then I’ll just make do. I don’t want to work on the foundation of a house I don’t care that much about. And I’ll just use buckets for now if the roof is leaking and look for another roof to live under.