I’m fairly new to all of this. I started questioning 3-4 weeks ago and feel like I’m kind of figuring some things out in my mind, but also like I’m at a roadblock or a fork in the road. I feel like to see where I need/want to go next, I need to explore, but I don’t know how. I’ve heard about playing a game or whatever online and use a different identity, but it’d be hard to cram another game in enough for that to feel useful. I could try on some clothes, but that feels so limited in what it tells me. I’m sure it could be related to the fact that over time I have been convincing myself there’s not boy/girl clothes, they’re just fabric anyone can buy. (I think some of this came to be when my first child was conceived and we specifically avoided gendering kids things) Maybe I’m just looking for a way to get confirmation about what I think I’m feeling?
When you were discovering yourself, what did your journey look like? What do I do? Do you have any advice?
I’m open (and less panicked) about the ideas of some identity possibilities, but still when I think deeply, “how do I really feel about myself?” I just feel kind of empty, or a void. Any advice or guidance at all would be super helpful and much appreciated!
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Let yourself explore in a way that feels safe to you! Try clothes, try names, try pronouns, try presenting yourself differently in person or online, look at yourself in ways you haven’t before. Do new things, and try your best not to hold yourself back out of discomfort. In the first months after discovering my identity I tried on so many clothes. I shaved my legs, my underarms. I havent done so in years nowadays but at the time it was some of my first experiences with my own femininity.
Spend time with people you feel comfortable tlaking about this with. Be that in person, online, on voice chat, in games, whatever it may be. Ask them who they think you are, ask them who you are to them. Say it’s a mental health exercise or something. But even if that’s not possible, think of how other people perceive you. Consider how you feel about how other people perceive you. Write all the things people say you are or perceive you to be in one column, and then in the next column write how those perceptions make you feel. Maybe even write down some of the ways you want people to perceive you. Those feelings can tell you something about who you are, about who you want to be.
Living as a chosen identity in social groups is your best bet for starting. Ask a trusted friend to call you by a different name/pronouns and see how it feels.
If you don’t have anyone that you feel you can trust, there are plenty of LGBT centered Discord communities that are publicly available. I’m sure someone in those would be willing to help out! (I can also recommend some if you want)
And if you’re not willing to do that either, the the safest option would be talking to yourself in the mirror and having a conversation trying out a new name/pronouns.
I am also free to talk if you ever need, just hmu!
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I would be up for some discord chats. I’ve never been into it before, but just started for another group.
The idea of looking 100% boy mode (maybe man-bear mode), beard and all, and asking someone to call me something else just feels… Silly? (I mean no disrespect) it just feels like that would be super fake to ask, with my appearance. I feel like if I looked the part, it would be better. But investing in something before you try it out isn’t really a great idea either.
I can’t get over how supportive and wholesome these communities have been. It’s been very helpful.
The idea of looking 100% boy mode (maybe man-bear mode), beard and all, and asking someone to call me something else just feels… Silly?
This resonates with me
It’s uncomfortable both ways
I think it only feels silly because of the way we’ve been conditioned. You don’t explicitly feel nor look “like a woman” (or however you end up identifying) so using different pronouns is simply Weird. And that’s okay.
I find it helpful to “practice” in online settings and in games, as you mentioned. Any game that allows you to select your name, gender, modify your presentation, and see yourself in the 3rd person is good, like Stardew Valley. I also use SnapChat with my queer, transitioning friends. All of my friends know who I am and my pronouns, so when we have game nights (online or in person), they’ll refer to me correctly.
It takes practice.
I get how you feel that way, and the fact that you don’t feel comfy in asking that out of your friends might be telling you something about your friends.
Anyways, my discord is @canada. Anyone else that wants to can hmu as well!
Do you have the funds to invest in VR? I would 100% recommend VRChat as a way to explore your new identity. From Trans Voice worlds to picking avatars that make you feel more “you”. A whole super welcoming community is out there to help you along your journey!
I’m not totally sure. I’ve never looked into it too much. I will check it out. It’s probably less effective but I did decide to fire up the Old School Runescape and make a new character to try out, but haven’t gotten too far yet. Last time I tried there were so many bots it just wasn’t fun.
Don’t underestimate the power of moving around in a 3D environment and perceiving yourself in a totally unexplored way ;) I wish you all the best, however you may continue your journey!
You’re not alone, I’ve started seriously questioning recently and it’s scary AF! I’m on the wait list for some counselling through my local LGBT center, it might be worth looking into whether that’s a possibility for you? I want it so I can have someone impartial help me sort through my thoughts and feelings. I’m currently NB and I’ve been slowly exploring being a little more feminine in attitude, but I’m balding and hairy AF so presenting femme doesn’t feel like an option.
I do have an appointment with a therapist scheduled and I’m not sure how different it will be since they’re not from an LGBT center, they have told me they’re on a journey as well, so I’m hopeful.
You might be interested in this post if you haven’t seen it. I had heard of some of those products but had always assumed they didn’t work, but apparently they can work really well, and the derma roller sounds very interesting and promising as well.
I started the Sam’s club brand Rogaine recently and while I can’t say it’s been long enough to judge efficacy, it was $20 to get a 6 month supply mailed to me, which is pretty good. I’m seriously considering the derma roller too since it can be used to promote some healing in the skin and reduce wrinkles.
As for the body hair, I’m in the exact same boat. Hairiest person I know. I am considering my luck with some removal cream though.
Issue is, it’s still summer and that will draw attention and questions from relatives and I’m not ready for that yet.
Thanks for the link, I’m already on finasteride but I’ll take a look into micro-needling too. Let me know how the hair removal cream goes though! The only thing I thought would do it would be laser removal but that shit’s expensive! Man talking about this like it’s real is scary
Right? Terrifyingly excited too.
I have used some extra sentive(I forget what it’s called, veet with gray label I think) on an extra sensitive area when I had a procedure done and it wasn’t too bad other than I did it in sections and wasn’t careful enough not to overlap and those areas were pretty sore for a few days. Other than that, it got a lot of it and there was very little left to shave after that. Also, I don’t remember it being itchy, or at least not that itchy coming back in.
I don’t have a great answer besides what’s already been said. I just wanted to say I love your username ❤️
Yours is pretty awesome as well! My socks mat be showing, but it sounds like the name of an Ubuntu version 🧡
I’m still pre E, but I’ll recommend that you start as many things as possible (doctors appointments, speech therapist, new wardrobe) and just slow down/ delay/cancel the ones you don’t feel ready for.
(This is written assuming you’re in a place with good healthcare access, but long waits. Be certain before you actually start any medical changes)
I appreciate the advice and urgency (I have heard long line horror stories) but atm that sounds more dramatic than I’m prepared for. I was hoping for more ideas for something that is like a test where I either think “no I can’t do this” or “damn really is how it is” before moving to those steps.
I’ve very much been in the same boat. I’m afraid that no one will come to you and go “here, this is exactly what to do, we’re doing it now and then you’ll be done transitioning”.
The closest to that I’ve found is voice training, but that’s mainly because I didn’t realise how uncomfortable I was with my voice until I had to pick up the phone and present with my chosen name and voice alone.
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