Naive and Potentially inflammatory question from cishet guy
15% as bisexual, 5% as gay or lesbian and 8% as something else
So as someone who’s not a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I’m wondering how the predominance of “bisexual” in this survey would be seen by others in the community?
For older peeps does it look like a bit of a fad or something for Gen Z to think they’re part of the movement/community without really being so, which strikes me as a wholly positive thing, even if it were somewhat of an affectation?
Otherwise, is there real tension between bisexuals and other queer folks?
I’ve certainly seen dismissive sentiments like this from more conservative people, but don’t know how the rest of the community (either older or not bisexual) look at it.
To me it looks like we’re just growing up (and maybe slowly still) about our sexuality/gender and how it’s more interesting than traditional role based and prejudicial conservatism. But even as a cishet guy, it strikes me that even I’d be happy labelling myself as bisexual in a survey though I have not had any of the difficulties or general experiences of the general LGBTQ community.
Also I hope it’s clear I’m not trying to inflame anything or piss anyone off. Please, if this is hurtful, feel free to delete/moderate or report.
If you’re attracted to both genders, then you’re bi whether you act on it or not. I think it’s more than just being an ally. People are recognising their sexuality more and not afraid to express it. The Kinsey studies would show it’s more of a spectrum than a binary. I think some older people in the lgbtqi community are less accepting of bisexuality as a concept, probably due to people using it as a deflection, or phase when exploring their sexuality historically. They might then choose not to express it due to intolerance, which led to people misunderstanding that bosexual people are just as valid. If you’re bisexual in a cos heterosexual relationship, you’re still bisexual, just like in the past gay people would live heterosexual lives. It didn’t make them straight. Being part of the lgbtqi community is not about having a shared experience of prejudice. The whole community activism purpose is to ensure that there is no prejudice in the future.
Otherwise, is there real tension between bisexuals and other queer folks?
Yes. From queer folk, it’s “This is just a fad for you. I can’t be serious with you, because when you stop experimenting, you’re just going to go back to straight relationships”. And on the other side of the coin, straight partners tell them that they’re really in denial about being gay, and that they can’t get serious with them, because when they eventually accept that they’re gay, they’ll leave for a gay relationship.
Too queer for straight partners, and too straight for queer partners, despite being neither.
If you want to read up on it, it’s called “bi erasure”.
Luckily I’ve found this is also a lot less common when talking to younger queer people. A lot of older gays have become unwilling to accept anything outside of what being queer meant when they were younger.
Definitely. It’s hard to blame older queer folks for having some trouble empathizing with younger parts of their community that have generally had a much easier time expressing their sexually and are now shaping the community in ways they do not understand. Of course I’ll never excuse bigotry, but I do think most of older gays reservations about the way their community is changing come from a place of fear not malice.
From my experience as a bi person, we often get treated like shit by both sides, but it’s worse from gay people.
Mind you that’s a minority of people acting like arseholes, but there’s certainly an attitude around that we’re faking it or something.
The way I see it, it’s a spectrum and I think more people align somewhere on that than they do as an extreme binary option. So even if you’ve never had any relations with a same sex person, that doesn’t change where you fall.
In my experience a lot of both straight people and gay people are both see sexuality as a team sport where someone has to pick a side and treat bi people terribly.
Both see bi people gay but not admitting who they ‘really are’. Both see it as the person being indecisive, and also tend to worry about someone being unsatisfied and wanting to always be in a relationship with both sexes at the same time all the time, which is a funny contrast to not picking a side. I’m using sex instead of gender here because people making those comments are always describing the desire as the bi person feeling a desire for the other genitals. I find this pretty ridiculous since those same people that think bi people can’t be satisfied while monogamous do think straight and gay people can be.
That isn’t everyone of course, but are the main views I have come across in person while supporting friends who came out. That was also the time period where I knew I was straight because of actually spending time thinking about it, and wish more people put more thought into it to help understand that even within the broad categories there are is a ton of variety.
So, I’ve heard about this happening for basically my whole adult life, but somehow, as a pan woman, I’ve never personally caught any flak for it. I’m not sure why it hasn’t been a thing for me, even as I date men and women and people from beyond those categories. My brother gave me some ribbing about being “greedy” way back when, but it always seemed good natured rather than feeling like an attack. And , in total fairness… I am also poly. I’m not greedy in the sense of being acquisitive and filled with desire for what others have, there are just too many loveable people in this world for me to only date one.
Naive and Potentially inflammatory question from cishet guy
So as someone who’s not a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I’m wondering how the predominance of “bisexual” in this survey would be seen by others in the community?
For older peeps does it look like a bit of a fad or something for Gen Z to think they’re part of the movement/community without really being so, which strikes me as a wholly positive thing, even if it were somewhat of an affectation?
Otherwise, is there real tension between bisexuals and other queer folks?
I’ve certainly seen dismissive sentiments like this from more conservative people, but don’t know how the rest of the community (either older or not bisexual) look at it.
To me it looks like we’re just growing up (and maybe slowly still) about our sexuality/gender and how it’s more interesting than traditional role based and prejudicial conservatism. But even as a cishet guy, it strikes me that even I’d be happy labelling myself as bisexual in a survey though I have not had any of the difficulties or general experiences of the general LGBTQ community.
Also I hope it’s clear I’m not trying to inflame anything or piss anyone off. Please, if this is hurtful, feel free to delete/moderate or report.
If you’re attracted to both genders, then you’re bi whether you act on it or not. I think it’s more than just being an ally. People are recognising their sexuality more and not afraid to express it. The Kinsey studies would show it’s more of a spectrum than a binary. I think some older people in the lgbtqi community are less accepting of bisexuality as a concept, probably due to people using it as a deflection, or phase when exploring their sexuality historically. They might then choose not to express it due to intolerance, which led to people misunderstanding that bosexual people are just as valid. If you’re bisexual in a cos heterosexual relationship, you’re still bisexual, just like in the past gay people would live heterosexual lives. It didn’t make them straight. Being part of the lgbtqi community is not about having a shared experience of prejudice. The whole community activism purpose is to ensure that there is no prejudice in the future.
Yes. From queer folk, it’s “This is just a fad for you. I can’t be serious with you, because when you stop experimenting, you’re just going to go back to straight relationships”. And on the other side of the coin, straight partners tell them that they’re really in denial about being gay, and that they can’t get serious with them, because when they eventually accept that they’re gay, they’ll leave for a gay relationship.
Too queer for straight partners, and too straight for queer partners, despite being neither.
If you want to read up on it, it’s called “bi erasure”.
Luckily I’ve found this is also a lot less common when talking to younger queer people. A lot of older gays have become unwilling to accept anything outside of what being queer meant when they were younger.
Intuitively that makes sense to me (let’s be fair … ageing sucks), especially for members of an oppressed minority.
Definitely. It’s hard to blame older queer folks for having some trouble empathizing with younger parts of their community that have generally had a much easier time expressing their sexually and are now shaping the community in ways they do not understand. Of course I’ll never excuse bigotry, but I do think most of older gays reservations about the way their community is changing come from a place of fear not malice.
From my experience as a bi person, we often get treated like shit by both sides, but it’s worse from gay people.
Mind you that’s a minority of people acting like arseholes, but there’s certainly an attitude around that we’re faking it or something.
The way I see it, it’s a spectrum and I think more people align somewhere on that than they do as an extreme binary option. So even if you’ve never had any relations with a same sex person, that doesn’t change where you fall.
In my experience a lot of both straight people and gay people are both see sexuality as a team sport where someone has to pick a side and treat bi people terribly.
Both see bi people gay but not admitting who they ‘really are’. Both see it as the person being indecisive, and also tend to worry about someone being unsatisfied and wanting to always be in a relationship with both sexes at the same time all the time, which is a funny contrast to not picking a side. I’m using sex instead of gender here because people making those comments are always describing the desire as the bi person feeling a desire for the other genitals. I find this pretty ridiculous since those same people that think bi people can’t be satisfied while monogamous do think straight and gay people can be.
That isn’t everyone of course, but are the main views I have come across in person while supporting friends who came out. That was also the time period where I knew I was straight because of actually spending time thinking about it, and wish more people put more thought into it to help understand that even within the broad categories there are is a ton of variety.
So, I’ve heard about this happening for basically my whole adult life, but somehow, as a pan woman, I’ve never personally caught any flak for it. I’m not sure why it hasn’t been a thing for me, even as I date men and women and people from beyond those categories. My brother gave me some ribbing about being “greedy” way back when, but it always seemed good natured rather than feeling like an attack. And , in total fairness… I am also poly. I’m not greedy in the sense of being acquisitive and filled with desire for what others have, there are just too many loveable people in this world for me to only date one.