It’s not just you meditation is really scary and hard for lots of people because being alone with your thoughts is really fucking scary especially when you are already on the verge of no longer wanting to live. A key part of the process however is realizing that you are not your emotions or your fears. That you are something fundamentally different than those and that you can place distance between yourself and how you feel. And that distance allows you to observe without internalizing. It’s really fucking hard but honestly it’s so good for you. Just start small. And like the other poster said talking about it helps.