I grew up Christian and knowing that the Romans associated Jesus with Dionysus is the one thing that might take me back to Christianity. That said, it would be pretty hard to find a church that is willing to participate in a pagan-christian bacchanalia. But c’mon, who doesn’t want to throw parties that are a “murderous instrument of conspiracy against the state” according to their biggest contemporary critic? Also let’s be real, by all known accounts Jesus loved booze and prostitutes, and returning to its roots is the only thing that can save Christianity.