My friend John mentioned that he has been feeling depressed lately. There have been some bad things in his logs that would make anyone sad but the things that normally bring him happiness aren’t doing anything for him lately. It’s something he has struggled with in the past. He has a counselor and has been prescribed anti-depressants. I’m not worried about him harming himself.
My understanding is that part of being a friend to someone facing depression is reaching out to spend time with them.
How much should I reach out? I don’t want to harass him, and he has a wife and other friends (that are emotionally closer than me). His wife for sure knows what’s going on, but I’m not sure about his other friends (our kids go to the same school so I actually see him more then most of his friends).
I understand that sometimes depressed people neglect chores in their life, should I ask his wife if there’s anything I could help him/them with?
Tell him you love him (add a no homo if you must), and send him memes or photos of stuff you know he likes (“hey, i saw this object and it made me think of you”)
You don’t have to do the “is there anything you need?” texts, because for me at least, depression makes me feel like a burden, and constantly getting “are you ok, how you doing, you need anything?” texts made me feel like i was in the way and not worthy of help, and therefore I declined any invitation of help.
For me, depression makes me want to be invisible to avoid confrontation and judgement, so every “how you doing?” text feels like a bullet. But the “cat did something stupid, here’s a video” texts are easier to interact with, because I’m not having to put on a brave face, while also rejecting help.
Deep conversation is possible (real talk) but he has to be receptive. Be neutral. There’s a meme joke about not wanting help, just listen to me complaining, and he sounds like he needs to vent without judgment or “well have you tried x, y or z” talk. If/when he does open up, pretend you’re a talking wall, sturdy, stable, but capable of just listening and being there.
I had a friend go through some pretty major trauma recently. Sending them memes and pet pictures was something they said was really helpful. I also reminded them that they didn’t need to actually reply to any of it.