Hey everyone,
I [28F] need some advice on handling anxiety when job hunting.
Almost a week ago I finished school and I’m once again without work. I’ve been job hunting about 40-50% of my adult life and it has taken a huge toll on my mental health to the point where I’m barely able to apply for jobs anymore. I have gotten a few warnings over the years due to not applying to enough jobs. ( I live in Sweden btw )
I have tried taking breaks.
I have tried waiting for the anxiety to pass.
I have asked so many for advice but it’s like they all give the same default answer. If their advice where enough, I would be a pro at job hunting.
I did get an autism diagnosis a few years back and I do feel better about myself, more confident and understanding of how I work so I think this time around will be different, but it’s like the old anxiety still hangs around and I don’t know how to get rid of it.
Please if you have any advice, I’d love to hear it.
40-50% seems high, even for a 28yo, but I don’t know your situation. I find job hunting to be horrific, despite always doing well in interviews.
The reason I do well is because I target the job I want, then mask and overprepare like an absolute psychopath for however long it takes … so I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that.
I’m mostly on the other side of the desk these days, and interviewing other people has revealed a lot about the process. One thing I learned (about senior-level knowledge workers, at least) is that people are often looking for a good fit as much as a person’s capability.
I don’t know what industry you’re in, I’ve been in frontend development and now UX design, and many designers fail to demonstrate soft skills - flexibility of process, communication, emotional intelligence, etc. That doesn’t make up for everything, and some ND individuals find that very hard, but it can be learned.
My point is, I’ve seen many good people miss out because they misjudge how they’re being assessed.
I think I where unemployed so much because I used to be so insecure thinking things like “I have nothing to give this company” I acted like I was sorry for breathing the same air as others and I’ve been scared to say my wants and needs or almost anything at all because I never knew when I would be scolded. (it’s a bit more complex than that, but that’s a story for another time)
So I’ve always agreed to those around me and followed along.
But not anymore, after I moved away from home and later got my autism diagnosis, I’m much much better at everything tbh.
I am a frontend dev now, previously I was an electrician (never got a job as that) and a forklift driver, I do have some experience with that.
I like to think my softskills are fairy good but it might take some more time for a NT to see them as I express them in a different way and usually not as obvious. I think.
People don’t often give clear answers when asking about these things.
I’ve been thinking about asking to have the interview (or part of it) outside their office, like, if we take a walk or something just to get out of that stiff and understimulating room.
Oh cool ok, so we’re in a similar area of work and it’s great that you’ve got a diagnosis and that it’s been positive. Autism was pretty prevalent within my previous team, my best developers happened to be somewhere on that spectrum. I suspect it was more on the end of what used to be called Asperger’s. Those individuals’ ability to apply logic and learn/focus deeply, hugely outweighed any social inhibitions or accommodations we needed to make.
My tactic for the last 5 or so years has been to appear to care a bit less. I overprepare to give myself confidence, but I’ve noticed a pattern - the more relaxed I appear, the more successful I am. Probably not helpful advice because it’s easier said than done, but I do suffer with high anxiety, and worrying more just causes me to worry more.
Being up-front about your communication style helps. I’ve had people start an interview by saying they’re nervous, and that’s visibly helped them to relax. I’ve had others tell me they can come across as blunt, and that’s good to know, and wasn’t off-putting.
Asking for the accommodation of getting out of the office would come across well to me. It says you know yourself, you’re confident enough to ask, and it’s only a request - they can say no (though that also serves as a good measure of how accommodating they will be).
Autism now a day has 3 levels which are used to describe how much support one needs afaik. level 1 is no or little support, which is where Aspergers is. Levels 2 and 3 require a lot of support, idk much about the levels tho.
I’ve noticed that too, when I don’t take it as seriously I’m also more relaxed and that makes me do better.
It’s really hard to not care about something important, I kinda feel like I’m going to be dead before the year ends if I don’t manage to get a job. It’s not true of course, but that’s how important it feels.
I like to say I’m nervous too.
I’m not sure how to describe my communication style, I’ll have to read about that! _
That’s comforting to hear, do you think I should ask before the interview, at the beginning, or both?
I wouldn’t be surprised if I fell into that first level, I’ve spent much of my life trying to decode what people actually mean.
It’s slightly risky asking for moderate accomodations, so I might not try it for the first time on a job I desperately wanted, and an agency or small place is more likely to agree than a big corporate. I’d ask them beforehand, I think it would be too awkward and unexpected if suggested during the actual interview.
I’d make it a casual request by email when the interview date is confirmed. E.g. “I sometimes find interviews stressful, would you be open to visiting a local cafe? I completely understand if that’s not possible”. It could be worded better, but I wouldn’t be put off by that. Coffee interviews are a thing, and I like them - I get to expense a nice coffee! I’d pick a quiet place with good seating.
However, unless you do find it hard to be in an office at all, I’d want to make it clear during the interview that I’m normally fine with offices, so they don’t get the wrong impression (that you’ll refuse to work in an office) and I also wouldn’t dwell on it. They’ve made an accomodation, so they’ll expect you to be more relaxed. If you’re still visibly stressed, that might be a red flag.
Anyway, I’m rambling now, but I do feel for you, it’s very stressful.
ooh yeah, it is a bit risky, and I don’t even know for sure if it will help with the stress. I think I would fit better in a smaller office where they have a bit more freedom.
I don’t mind offices in themselves, it’s more that interview thing that makes me super nervous.
Thank you so much for all the input! 💕