A few months ago I was working on a project with someone. He had the habit of calling me all the time to talk about it, but I keep my phone permanently on DND and I would often miss his calls. It would take me a while, sometimes a couple of days, to get back to him. I preferred to deal with him through text or email, because I can answer in my own time, when I’m ready.

Finally I sent him a lengthy email explaining the situation. I told him I am autistic, and that means phone calls are difficult for me, among other things. I need to be mentally and emotionally prepared to talk to someone on the phone, and that, along with the DND thing, is why I never answer his calls.

He was also always pressuring me to come over to his place where we could use his lab for the project. No. Not a chance. I feel really uncomfortable in someone else’s space, and when I’m in that situation, all I can think of is running out the door and going home, back to my own comfortable space. And that’s why I never asked him to come over to my place to work, because I have a similarly equipped lab, but having other people in my home, in my space, my comfort zone, makes me equally uncomfortable.

So no. You work in your space, I’ll work in my space, and we’ll collaborate online, thank you very much. That’s what I told him.

He replied saying that he understands my “social anxiety” and that he sometimes suffers from it himself, then offered up some tips to help me get over it. He completely ignored the autism. It was very frustrating.

I started to slowly back away from the project we were working on because I just didn’t want to deal with it any more. I still see him sometimes though because we have a mutual acquaintance, and it’s always awkward.

Have you been through something similar?