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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/asmilingbanana on 2023-09-18 18:23:35.
A friend of mine comes over to mine to stay from time to time (probably every month or so) before leaving the next day for a flight in my city. I didn’t mind hosting her before but now that she’s staying over more often, I also notice that she usually arrives hungry. Out of courtesy, I ask if she wants food and she always says yes and proceeds to eat quite a bit.
My culture always prioritizes making sure the guest is well taken care of and isn’t hungry, so I feel morally obligated to ask her if she wants food. However, it’s starting to get annoying because she doesn’t ever bring anything in return and almost seems like she expects it, because the other week she blurted “I love that I can rely on you for food because the other friends don’t always have food in their fridge”.
That really bothered me so I almost wanted to tell her that I don’t want to offer her food anymore since I’m already offering accommodation out of kindness. What should I do?
You should tell her, explicitly. Implicit communication shames people. Explicit communication informs them.
Don’t make hints or presuppose. Instead say “Hey this feels a little one sided and I’d feel better about it if you brought food with you.”