I don’t think I wanna know
Ceasefire Violation?
He died doing what he loved!
Starving, because I couldn’t remember where I hid my nuts.
My dog finds and eats squirrel peanuts semi-regularly on walks. It’s cuter than when he tries to catch them directly.
Silently hunted down by a mysterious lone wolf.
The US actually does invade, and I die in some kind of defensive gambit where they take more casualties than us.
Unfortunately, that’s a vibe killer now, because it doesn’t feel totally impossible and we still like each other. Sorry.
The fucking Russians, of course.
By Japanese sword thrust
Don’t! Commiting sudoku is not the answer D:
Inviting my Farmville girlfriend over.
Not the Fediverse Chick?
A detective stands over my lifeless body, Detective Salvitore is panting for air, desperate to catch up to her partner and mount the hill. She reaches the crest covered in sweat, vision blurring but enthused at the grim sight before Detective Glassgow.
Salvitore fumbles for her radio, wheezing a shaky “We… we… I… found-” before Glassgow cuts her off.
“Save it Sal, I already told them we found the vegan.”
Raptured by the One True Dog
Whatever it is, it’s going to be the subject of several YouTube documentaries.
Guess I run into traffic, yelling and waving at the taxi that just deliberately passed me by. Then I get hit by a truck.
Oh, no…
Furiously stroking my willy.
