Iām gonna get real with you folks, weāve had way too many of these posts recently. Iāve been reflecting on this topic a lot the past few days. For me personally, I couldnāt care less about my gender identity. But just because thatās true for me, doesnāt make that true for everyone.
The beauty of the fediverse is that if you donāt like the way a particular instance or community is moderated you can simply choose another to hang out on, or create your own.
Blajah has made it pretty clear by now they will ban anyone who argues against the validity of xenogenders, in order to create a safe space for those folks. Thatās fair enough imo.
Safe spaces should be respected, and Blajahās admins/mods do not deserve abuse for creating and maintaining those spaces.
I can completely understand why Blajah users donāt want to have to constantly argue with external users about the validity of their chosen identities. Bans are one way Blajah has decided to manage that problem so that their users can experience lemmy in relative peace and safety. While it is a blunt tool and I have my reservations about preemptive bans, there are not many other options for @[email protected], other than defederation from most instances. That would be a terrible outcome for the fediverse as a whole.
In order to help Blajah to maintain their safe space, I would like to propose, if @[email protected] agrees and community sentiment is positive:
- that we no longer accept posts about this topic in this community; and
- we also remove previous posts on this topic from the community.
Thatās all folks, have at 'er.
This shouldnāt even be a debate or question. This hateful bullshit against Blahaj just needs to stop and mods need to put their foot down and say enough is enough. Like if this kind of shit arguing against a queer friendly instance for being queer friendly is okay or permitted I donāt think that [email protected] should even be on our instance anymore, and our admins should just remove it.
I hope it doesnāt come to that. I hope this community can put an end to this bullshit and stop endorsing queerphobic usersā complaints.
If I were a Blahaj user, Iād be posting about defederation from db0. The transphobia needs to end.
Theyāre not queer friendly because they donāt tolerate serious dissent from queers. Theyāre a safe space for people who live in a fucking fantasy world and not reality.
Reality is overrated. Belief is perception.
Reality definitely is overrated
So why force queer people to live in it when they say it hurts them? Sadism?
Fantasy non human identities arenāt queer.
Being queer-friendly doesnāt mean theyāre immune to criticism. The issues people have with that instance have little to do with it being queer-friendly, and more to do with heavy-handed mod practices, and I think itās incredibly disingenuous to suggest that thatās the reason why people are upset.
Nah the core of most of these posts is whether or not itās ok to disrespect someone for their xenogender or using neopronouns. People will come in here to say they have been banned for accidentally misgendering or just āsharing their opinionā but every case Iāve seen so far, if you look into their modlog you see that they were actually being really disrespectful about it, making other people with xenogender and/or neopronouns feel unsafe. Blahaj admin has made it clear that disrespecting someones pronouns or identity is not allowed on the instance, which most blahaj users agree with. Anyone who would still like to argue about this rule is just better off on another instance.
Nobody is arguing against blahaj for being queer friendly. People are arguing against some of their members for being unfriendly to people, including queer people, among them LittleRatInALittleHat. Thatās the only reason people are caring about this.
The type of mentality āyouāre not allowed to criticize me, because I am X, and so unless you agree with me youāre being anti-Xā is tempting but it is wrong. You might think dragon is a gender, or you might not, it is fine, but refusing to agree that dragon is a gender is not and has never been ātransphobiaā or in any way anti-queer.
Well I think queer people can have any gender they want, and you just have to deal with it because itās none of your business.
Well, Iām gonna chime in again, because itās a nice jumping off point.
That argument, that anyone is actually saying dragon is a gender, is simply misrepresenting all of the subject.
Regardless of oneās view on xenopronouns in specific, or neopronouns one general, the claim hasnāt been that dragon is a gender.
The rule, and the argument behind it, is about pronouns. And it isnāt really about the pronouns themselves, as much as it is about who gets to decide when someone is deserving of being respected as an individual.
Weāre not biking being asked to share a belief that a person is a dragon, or fucks dragons, or that humans can be part dragon.
What weāre being asked to do is to respect pronouns or just not talk to someone. Thatās it. Thatās what itās about.
The rule simply lays out what will happen if people donāt do one of those two things.
You donāt have to agree with the word being used as a pronoun meaning anything other than that it replaces traditional pronouns and makes them happy. Does it matter if they think theyāre a dragon, or a tiger? No. It doesnāt matter. If the cognitive dissonance of using a word in an unconventional way is so high that you simply canāt do it, thatās okay. You have multiple options at that point.
One, you can ignore the request, and accept the consequences as they come. Fair or not, those consequences are known.
Two, you can use them anyway, and roll your eyes while you do it. Nobody will know youāre rolling your eyes.
Three, you can use them anyway, and complain about it, which may also have consequences, depending on how you complain.
Four, you can block the individual and never interact with them again, thus preventing cognitive dissonance entirely.
Five, you can choose to just not interact with them at all.
Six, you choose to not interact, but complain about it elsewhere, with possible consequences (as these posts have shown).
Thereās even other options, but theyāre absurdist stuff like juggling oranges while singing āIām a little teapotā. So, you know, only entertaining to me.
Now, thatās separate from anything else, Iām only talking about the idea that one has to share a belief to be able to use someoneās pronouns. Like, my pronouns are he/him, they/them, and Iāll accept any gender neutral neopronouns as well. But Iāll accept she/her in a pinch, though I may correct those if itās relevant. Itās why I never list my pronouns, Iām cool with almost anything, up to and including āthat assholeā. Thatās not even a joke, Iām fine being referred to that way as a replacement for a pronoun, or in general.
You donāt have to agree with my belief that Iām not obligated to behave in the way a pronoun implies to use any of those. You donāt have to agree with my belief that by accepting almost any pronoun that I improve myself by challenging my own concepts of gender in order to use he/him, or any of the rest.
So, why would you have to believe in anything at all to use any pronoun? You arenāt expected to log off and tell your roommate or whatever, ājeez, this cat I was talking to was a real weirdo, heās just nutsā and you arenāt expected to log off and tell the same person āI was talking to this cat from blahaj and drag sure did annoy meā you can use any pronoun you want when you arenāt in the presence of the person requesting an individual pronoun, or any neopronouns, or a xenopronoun.
You donāt need to believe anything except that the person, the human being with their own life and needs and pains, is made a little happier by the use of it. Thatās it. Thatās all you have to believe.
PugJesus already covered it. Just to clarify, though, because your point is perfectly fair:
I get the policy about using pronouns when youāre talking to people. It makes some amount of sense to me, I already talked elsewhere in these comments about why I can completely understand just needing to set a clear, consistent policy on using peopleās pronouns regardless of anything else. Makes sense. I kind of think that when someoneās clearly exploiting that policy to mock queer people to their faces, there maybe needs to be a commonsense exception instead of going to bat for the anti-queer troll, but itās whatever. As people have pointed out, that problem has already been solved and dealt with.
When I say ādragon is a gender,ā I am talking about people who are screaming that anyone who doesnāt agree with the policy is āmisgenderingā or ātransphobicā or a fascist or secretly yearns to start calling all these LGBTQ people slurs. Itās super weird, and dishonest. Itās divisive and stupid. And using the word āmisgenderingā in reference to it, which a ton of people are doing, is predicated on the assumption (never started explicitly) that dragon is a gender. And people are getting banned (PugJesus is one, LittleRatInALittleHat is one) not for ever refusing to use the pronouns to anybody in particular, but just by talking about the policy or saying their opinion on it or pointing out that dragon is not, in fact, a gender.
Your list of multiple options doesnāt really apply, since neither PugJesus nor LittleRatInALittleHat were interacting directly with anybody at all, just talking about the issue in general terms. Theyāve got a right to do that, I think. Again, I get the reason for the original policy. Whatās ridiculous is using that as a jumping-off point to say āIf you have any disagreement with this policy, even if youāre not expressing it to me but just talking with other people about it in general, you are bad and transphobic and you need to be banned and youāre a fascist and you hate queer people and youāre not allowed to disagree with me because I have X identity and if you do, you are anti-X.ā
[heavy sigh]
Iām speaking in the general, with dragon as the example used because drag is largely the focus of contention.
The next paragraph, āThe rule, and the argument behind it, is about pronouns. And it isnāt really about the pronouns themselves, as much as it is about who gets to decide when someone is deserving of being respected as an individual.ā covers that. I was addressing the rule, and blahaj, not drag.
It hasnāt been blahaj policy that Iāve seen that dragon is a gender, only that you have to treat peopleās pronouns and genders with respect.
Itās one of those where we donāt have to agree, we just have to be nice.
Or have the admins specifically addressed the issue as a declarative, and I missed it? I do miss things ;)
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/8b47330e-fe59-466e-aef5-b529ed0b05a5.jpeg
I could go further back to the whole kerfluffle this stems from, where there are more examples, but honestly, I donāt feel like digging that shit up.
Thank you for this. Itās nice to see that Blahaj is defending all gender identities and not just pronouns.
Ehhh, what that screenshot shows is admins deciding that you didnāt treat pronouns with respect.
Obviously, you disagree with their assessment. I do too, really, though I have seen their argument about it somewhere to and down the various threads.
That is a different thing.
I definitely get why you donāt think itās different, but, looking at it from this side of the screen, thatās not a statement of policy, itās a reaction to their interpretation of what you said.
Against my better judgement, I went into Blahaj back around the time of The Event.
Removed: Gatekeeping
Removed: Gatekeeping
Removed, no note
Removed: Gatekeeping
Removed: Gatekeeping (that oneās literally me)
Removed: Gatekeeping
Removed: Transmed stuff
All of that points pretty firmly to disagreement with dragon as a gender as gatekeeping, not a matter of respecting pronouns.
I think where the disconnect is, is that youāre continuously, in those quotes, making declarations about what it and isnāt gender, what is and isnāt trans.
Thatās what the comments were removed for.
In those quotes, you arenāt seeking understanding, you arenāt discussing the subject, you arenāt expressing an interest, youāre saying, directly āthis is my opinion on the matter, and I refuse to consider any alternativesā
You literally say youāre drawing a line in the sand.
Thatās gatekeeping, 100%
Does it make you a transphobe? Hell no. Does it make you a bad person? Not in any way whatsoever.
But it is you doing exactly what the rule is about: telling other people that they and their gender/pronouns are yours to decide the validity of
And thatās okay, you have a right to have that opinion and draw that line. We all do.
You do see that though, right? That every quote you chose, itās you declaring other peopleās genders and pronouns invalid. It doesnāt matter whether or not it was drag. It doesnāt matter who you were talking about, you donāt very to make that decision for others
You donāt, I donāt, nobody does.
We can all have great discussions about the semantics of gender, of how pronouns function, what their role in language, philosophy, and society are. We can even make declarative statements like that if we want to. But it doesnāt change that if we expect our opinions on the matter to hold sway, weād be assholes.
I mean, cāmon you directly brought in the whole biological argument. Like, the worst possible way to address the subject matter, the claim to have a inherently superior ownership of transness because it has to be biological, and only biology matters? You have to see that thatās the exact bullshit being weaponized against trans people. Even if you didnāt mean it the same way (and I know you didnāt, I know youāre not a bigot), itās the exact worst possible argument to use.
Itās so arrogant, claiming to have not only the ability to know what is and isnāt biological, but whether or not it has validity. You directly say that youāre deciding what is and isnāt valid, for other people. I mean, are you even a doctor? Of any stripe at all. Can you back up the claim that thereās no biological mechanism at play that leads a person to have a connection to an animal that can serve the same role as gender identity?
Because thereās a ton of information about neurodivergence out there, and some of it points to there being a high correlation between trans identities and neurological differences from cis brains. The overlap between a huge range of neuroatypicality and not just trans identity, but the very otherkin related identities being objected to is there, and neurology is biology. It just is. You canāt have a brain that operates independently of its underlying biological imperatives. Itās built by DNA, RNA, and epigenetics into this network of complicated nerves that run through a meat suit, interacting with it chemically and electrically.
Thatās biology. Now, Iām with you, thereās no actual dragons that arenāt komodo. And a cat isnāt a human, nor is a human a cat. But I am not confident in saying that someoneās inner self finding expression by identifying with or as a cat isnāt biological. To the contrary, unless it only appears after disease or injury, I would say that it has to be biological in origin, even though the specific expression may be a psychological development as opposed to purely anatomical or physiological one.
While you are definitely not an enemy, not a transphobe, not a bigot, you definitely broke the rule, multiple times, and you picked your own quotes about it. If this was still about whether or not a mod action was justified, it would be totally YDI with that list of quotes.
At every step, you laid claim to the authority to decide for others whether their identity is valid.
Iām kinda beating a dead horse here because Iām a little flummoxed that you canāt see all those comments and notice that youāre doing exactly what they were removed for.
After all that, it really doesnāt matter what the specific target was, it doesnāt even matter that they are, defacto, making it clear that they accept xenogenders as valid genders within blahaj and that the rule applies to them. What matters at that point is that you had multiple comment removals and kept doing the same thing. Iād have banned you too, even preemptively because it looks like youāre making it a fight.
Legitimately, I donāt see how that can be reasonably interpreted to be about pronouns at all. My objection was to dragon as a gender. I was banned for āgatekeepingā. Redirecting that to a pronoun dispute requires a reading that I literally cannot see, not simply one I disagree with.
Well put
āThey canāt be power tripping mods because they are queer!ā
No, that is stupid.
Yes, that does seem to be the consistent position in Blahaj.
Brother in Christ, imagine you had a sub where you talk about basketball and people constantly came in, not fans of basketball just saying āman, basketball? I donāt get itā but they are just using that to argue how basketball shouldnāt exist if you dare engage with that.
Youād ban those posts. Because you want your sub to be about basketball for basketball fans. Not because you want to argue with non fans about the validity of the existence of basketball.
Hope that answer was straight and masculine enough for ya.
Oh fuck off. They banned this female gender nonconforming queer for not being down with their support for people who make a mockery of us while my country is trying to genocide us.
Theyāre a bunch of petulant children living in a fantasy world and anyone who pops their fantasy bubble gets banned. Whatever. There needs to be a queer space for people who donāt get their panties in a twist over being mIsGeNdErEd like itās the worst thing that ever happened to them in life. Those children need to fucking grow up.
Cool, now, how about looking around outside of that sub for people who say āBasketball? I donāt get itā to hand out bans and accuse of being Basketball-phobes? Or, in this case, an actual Basketball fan who dared question a refereeās decision? Unfortunately, the holsum basketball community decided that made them a Sports Hater and an opponent of public schooling, and RIGHTEOUSLY drove them out of town!
I donāt like sports and Iām not particularly traditionally masculine, but thanks for the stereotyping.
Itās part of the definition of āteams.ā They need to assign attributes of the enemy team to you, just to make sure everyone understands that theyāre on the correct team and need to be supported uncritically.
Itās part of the demonstration of the power relationship. Theyāre allowed to make snide comments about your sexuality and talk down to you. God help you if you try to do it in the other direction (which is of course as it should be - Iām just calling out the toxic behavior for what it is, not saying it should at all be okay in the other direction.) Theyāre flexing their privilege within this context.
Idk man. Pick one, or both. Like I say, once youāve engaged yourself as officially āthe enemyā according to established battle lines, people are going to feel like theyāre being a good ally if they show up to do battle with you accordingly.