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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-10-10 04:02:39+00:00.

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I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/AgentPapier. She posted in r/AITAH

Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the rec!

I changed letters to names for readability.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old per the rules of this sub.

Trigger Warnings: abuse; child neglect; child abandonment; physical assault

Mood Spoiler: kids are safe

Original Post: September 20, 2024

Hey everyone, my husband (34) and I (36) are in a tough situation with my sister-in-law, Barbara (41), and we need an outside perspective on whether we’re overreacting or if our stance is justified. We’re leaning toward the latter but are open to thoughts. Thanks in advance!

Barbara has four boys: Luke (17), Owen (14), Ryan (13), and Calvin (7). Despite her having a rough history with bad relationships, her kids have always been well-behaved. The only constant man in her life has been Reese (48), her on-and-off husband who does nothing for her or the kids except work. He blows his money gambling, cheats on her openly, and relies on her for everything else. For seven years, she’s come to us, venting about him, swearing it’s the last time, but always goes back.

In 2020, after yet another huge fight, the entire family intervened. We sat her down, told her we were here to help with anything she needed—lawyers, a safe place for her and the kids, even handling the legal stuff if necessary. She agreed to kick him out, but within six months, he was back because “he couldn’t find a place to stay.” This grown man, who has worked a steady job for 20 years, somehow “needed help.”

Since then, things have gotten progressively worse. Barbara decided to stick with marriage counseling, even though the whole family urged her to leave. She’s clung to the idea of honoring her marriage, despite the toxic environment.

As a result, her kids have started to suffer. The eldest, Luke, started skipping school and smoking heavily. A few months ago, my husband got a 2am call from Luke, who said he was suicidal and afraid to act on it. When we got to their house, we learned he had told his stepdad the same thing, and Reese “told him to just do it because no one would care”. My husband, understandably, punched him in the face. We took Luke to the hospital and, after his release, brought him home with us for three weeks to help him recover.

Eventually, Luke returned to his mom’s house, thinking things had smoothed over, but they quickly fell apart again. Soon enough, the second-oldest, Owen, began having issues too. For months, they’d been fighting constantly, and we didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until we couldn’t get in touch with either of them. Barbara had gone silent.

My husband showed up at her house unannounced (something our family often does for fun), only to find out that she had “washed her hands” of Luke and Owen for being disrespectful and kicked them out. She had even turned off their phones and didn’t know where they were staying. We found out the they’d been crashing with friends for weeks, trying to stay under the radar because they were embarrassed.

We picked them up from school and brought them home with us again. They told us that their mom and stepdad had been bullying them, constantly fighting, and that they didn’t feel safe going back. Barbara admitted that she put them out but insisted things weren’t as bad as they made it sound.

Now, my husband and I want to go full nuclear—report this to CPS, the police, and anyone who can intervene. But the rest of the family wants to “handle it internally.” We feel like two minors were abandoned, and that deserves an extreme response. But the family is now saying we’re overreacting and at the end of the day, these are not our children.

So, are we the assholes for wanting to report this situation and not leave it to family discussions? The two oldest boys are with us for now, but we’re ready to escalate this.

Update (2 hours later)

We called the police. Thank you all for the support.

Some Top Comments on the post:

JuliaX1984: NTA You don’t handle crimes “internally” like how churches and colleges protect rapists and police precincts protect dirty cops and families protect child abusers. This IS child abuse. Report her.

Lazy-Instruction-600: NTA. You know what kind of families “handle things internally”? The Duggars. Protecting the indefensible. If you don’t report them you are allowing neglectful and abusive parents to get away with mistreating children right under your nose. And they will just keep on doing it. Do the right thing and protect those children.

There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but OOP is voted NTA

Update Post: October 3, 2024 (2 weeks later)

It’s been nearly two weeks since I made my original post, and it’s been a wild ride. I have to be incredibly vague because of the newly opened case, but here’s the most important thing: all of our nephews are safe with us.

The boys have always had a place here and have visited often since they were tiny, long before any of this chaos started. So while the transition has been emotionally jarring for them, the move itself was thankfully smooth.

Now, as for Barbara and Reese, they’re facing charges regarding their treatment of the boys. It was worse than we originally thought. Barbara seems remorseful, but my husband is still livid. He believes she’s only feeling sorry now that everything’s out in the open and consequences are on the table. Whether her remorse is genuine or not, I’m just relieved we took action when we did, because it’s terrifying to think how much worse things could have gotten if we hadn’t.

Family-wise, everything is a mess. The entire family is split over this, and it’s not even worth the text to go over the thoughts of those who oppose us. Those who have sided with us, however, have been a tremendous help. Even though there are a lot of family issues and the logistics are complicated; fuck it, we made the right decision.

What I can share in more detail is that soon after I posted, Reese showed up at our house, demanding that the boys return home with him. They refused. I told him to leave, but he escalated things—got loud, aggressive, and started cursing at me and the boys. My husband wasn’t home at the time; he was out picking up clothes and toiletries for Luke and Owen. I can only assume Reese felt emboldened by my husband’s absence, because out of nowhere, he sucker-punched me right in the mouth.

And, Reddit, I’m not ashamed to admit—I saw red. I swung back. It wasn’t smart, but I did. He wasn’t expecting that. I’m nice and really, really easy going, but I guess I forgot that. I jumped on him, and let’s just say, he didn’t expect a fight. I might not have landed the best hits, but he wasn’t prepared for one at all. He scrambled out of there and sped off.

I immediately called 911 while the boys called my husband, who thankfully was just around the corner. I’m fine—just ended up with a busted lip that looked worse than it was, though my husband insisted I go to urgent care.

The police met us there, and that’s when we reported everything—Reese’s assault and the whole situation with the boys. Reese and Barbara were picked up the next day.

And in the middle of all this shit? I found out I’m pregnant. YUP! While I was at urgent care, they ran a routine test and boom—positive. I had no idea. No symptoms or anything, but it’s still super early.

All things aside, thank you for all of the comments, advice and ideas. Your support made a difference and my nephews are safe.