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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-09-26 04:02:03+00:00.

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/MajorNew906

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

AIO wife wearing a revealing bikini at a friend’s party.

Trigger Warnings: controlling behavior

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Original Post (unddit): September 14, 2024

My wife and I have been together for 2 years now and it’s been mostly okay between us. She’s really confident and worked hard on her body so she likes to get revealing clothes which I do respect, but when I saw the bikini she got it was way more revealing then anything she’s ever worn. I’m in no way trying to control her so I always feel the guilt, and just accept it.

It’s one of those bikinis that fit tighter and a thong, it doesn’t help she got a size smaller, so basically her entire ass is out and if she bends over at all it doesn’t even really cover her literal butthole. No other women at the party had a bikini like that, so she really stood out. I noticed many guys eyeing her up so I asked her if she could put a towel on when we were hanging out drinking and that’s when the heat started. I let it go, didn’t want a fight.

We all got in the pool later, everyone was pretty drunk including myself. Her bikini started falling apart on the strings since it’s too small, and I kept trying to fix it for her. It fucking sucked being in that position. When we got home I was pretty mad and said some things making her upset, and she’s telling me I can’t control what she wears and I’m insecure if I’m afraid of someone seeing her body.

I don’t know how to feel or what to do because everything’s perfect besides this little thing. It just makes me feel jealous really easily, I’m trying to not be “insecure” about who sees her body but I didn’t want her basically naked in front of a bunch of her friends and their husbands/boyfriends.

Relevant Comments

OOP needs to have clear communications with his wife seeking for attention

OOP: We did. I told her how I feel but she’s taking things the wrong way. She keeps saying I’m the only one who has an issue and I’m insecure.

She’s not really the type to attention seek so I don’t really get that vibe from it all.

I’m trying to see this point of view but it was just harsh. I felt super awkward about it. Most guys there might have got the wrong idea.

We’re usually pretty good about our concerns, but I’ve never been in a situation like this.

OOP should respect his wife’s body autonomy

OOP: I am super proud of her. I always express that she can dress how she wants, but never thought I’d be in that spot. As for the other guys eyeing her it made me feel bad! Idk why. I’m trying to think like this, and thank you for your comment.

She absolutely shows off to me all the time, the entire time we’ve been together. She hasn’t really crossed a line like this before and I’m trying to see if maybe I’m being a dick, but idk. Part of me thinks it was unintentional but other part feels shitty about it.

I told her she should have listened to me and I was right about the bikini ending up with a wardrobe malfunction. I also said I didn’t like that all the guys there saw everything, which she says is insecure behavior because she never meant for that to happen.

Well the thing is we’ve never been in situations like this, so it’s a shock. I’m not trying to be insecure at all, it just sucks that so many dudes got to look at her like that, makes me feel jealous I guess. Didn’t want to be the guy like that, especially knowing every guy there is thinking something.

I respect her, I know she owns her body. But I’ve never been in a similar situation, this was so sudden so I have no clue how to react or feel. I just feel it went too far with drinking, and her lack of awareness that her bikini was falling off a few times. It’s not a big deal but at the same time I feel jealous. Douche bags love to joke about it, it’s hard for me to want to go another party with these people

The rough part is her friends commenting on it first, joking about it and I’m trying to be cool about it. It’s rough when everyone’s got a great vibe and laughing, but I want to shut it all down. Her girlfriends kept jokingly saying “ you should just take that thing off at this point” I tried pulling her aside and fixing it, but there was no real solution.

 

Update (wayback machine): September 19, 2024

A couple days ago I posted on here about an issue with my wife of 2 years and unfortunately we haven’t been able to compromise on this. After we fought that night she went and stayed with her mother for 2 days so we could both cool off.

When she got back we talked about it and she’s telling me she’s proud of her body, and just wanted to show off her hard work, not for anyone in particular but herself. Again, I tried explaining my side that I disagree with showing our friends her body but she won’t stop with the insecure and controlling bs that she’s accusing me of.

She had brought our friends into the argument to which of course they support her and are saying I’m being a dick about it, and that the whole thing was just funny. Of course they think it’s funny, because it didn’t happen to them. I get them all saying to forget and move on, but that shit was too embarrassing for me, and the way my wife acts about it isn’t helping.

Many of the comments on my first post were saying she was wrong, and to maybe consider dropping her. I find it so harsh, but I just want her to understand how I really feel. Would threatening divorce over this be overreacting? I just feel like shit over it.

This whole thing has led me to so many suspicions and I’m going crazy thinking about it. I’m starting to think that she was trying to show someone in particular, especially with her work friends there, which I haven’t heard much about them from her other than “no one cares/noticed”.

But at the same time my genuine good nature wants to believe her, because like I said, we haven’t dealt with anything like this before.

Comments

Commenter 1: None of us were there when all this happened but I’ll say it’s not what you say but how you say it and looking at your story and some of your responses you may have come off controlling. That being said if you’re going to threaten divorce over a bikini I’m thinking there are deeper issues here and I hate to say it but good luck on making it to 5 plus years.

Commenter 2: OP, in neither of your posts do you mention telling your wife how awesome she looks. Instead of the paranoia you’ll do far better with compliments.

Threatening someone with divorce is beyond idiotic unless you actually want to get divorced. Your wife does not find your childlike behavior attractive, trust me.

 

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