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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-09-11 04:02:17+00:00.

Original Title: Every time we (25m,26f) go out to eat she orders something “exotic” and hates it then expects to switch meals with me. She sees this as “quirky,” I’m about to leave her it’s so frustrating. What are some solutions?

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Throwraredtherup

Every time we (25m,26f) go out to eat she orders something “exotic” and hates it then expects to switch meals with me. She sees this as “quirky,” I’m about to leave her it’s so frustrating. What are some solutions?

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: Entitlement, controlling behavior

Original Post - rareddit  Nov 20, 2021

Maybe I’m making too a big out of this, maybe it is a big problem and why I’m posting here.

This has been going on since we’ve dated In college. I’ll use last night as an example. I’m always “safe order guy” meaning I get chicken tenders, steak, a burger, orange chicken etc… it’s not that I dislike other food, it’s that if I’m doing something crazy I want to buy It, prepare it, coke and serve it…be in control of the whole process.

She always orders the special, the catch of the day, the tasters menu, etc… and she invariably says “I don’t really like this, I should have just ordered what you got…let’s switch.” And she grabs my plate, sometimes I’m able to eat her food, sometimes it really is bad and then I go hungry. I’ve brought this up with her and she has up front told me she thinks it makes her “quirky and fun” and I’ve known this since dating her.

Last night we went to a sports bar after our league beach volley ball game and we’re starving. I just wanted food so I ordered chicken tenders and fries. This dingey SPORTS BAR was having a “snow crab special” which of course she wanted. I begged her to please just order something they couldn’t mess up and she accused me of being so “boring.” Food came, she crab legs looked, smelled and tasted like they were rotting wax and of course she didn’t want it and wanted my tenders. I finally stood up for myself and said no, she could send them back and order her own food.

Cue massive fight. She accused me of wasting food, of not cooperating with her and not “reading the room” whatever the meant . I told her that no I was not doing it this time. She started crying And demanded to go home. I said no I was so hungry I was eating my food. I think she got an Uber to a friends house and i have not seen her since.

I’m fed up. Is this breakup worthy and what should I do about this?

Edit: we are engaged and live together, we also share credit cards and bank accounts

TOP COMMENTS

RaymondBeaumont

She sounds insanely entitled and the mentality and temper of a 4-year-old.

Why would anyone want to date someone like that?

HeyYouShouldSmile

because she’s “quirky and fun” /s

Seriously though, she needs to act like an adult

~

Blade_982

I’m very ‘Joey doesn’t share food’ and if someone pulled this shit with me and expected me to let it slide because they thought it made them quirky and fun, I’d be gone.

She sounds annoying af, extremely entitled and also very slightly psychotic for expecting OP to go hungry. All because she’s playing the part of a ‘quirky, fun and adventurous foodie’.

I expect this has more to do with her testing his limits than just food as evidenced by her blowing up when he suggested, quite logically, she order something else.

It’s like she wants him to suffer to prove how endearing he finds her.

OOP

To be fair to her I don’t think she expects me to go hungry, in fact I’ll bet she’s never noticed if I finish her meal or not

MamaLovesYouMore

That’s telling if she doesn’t even notice. Makes you wonder what else she isn’t noticing about you in the relationship.

OOP

I don’t want to sound like a cry baby because I have made a choice with her but yes I do more of the labor in the relationship.

~

Sheila_Monarch

It’s only “quirky and fun“ if she eats what she fucking orders. I realize you already know this, but why in the hell should you have to give up your food because of her bad gamble??

At the core of it, it sure seems like a “let’s see how much of my bullshit he will indulge“ test. I would say “no more“ would be the correct answer. You haven’t seen her since? I suspect she’ll be back in touch, and you can give her an opportunity to apologize, but that shit is unacceptable. She owes you an apology, and I sort of doubt you’re going to get one.

OOP

Your second paragraph was what I’ve felt for a long time put into words. Thank you

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lady-tippington

If she’s the one labeling it ‘quirky and fun’, it isn’t. I get wanting to try something, but she needs to order her own food. Who pays the tab?

OOP

I mean technically we both do since we have shared credit cards and bank accounts

Update - rareddit  Nov 23, 2021 (3 days later)

I’m on mobile so I’ll load link to original in an edit in a minute.

I don’t remember the exact timeline of how things went down on Sunday as far me posting but original was locked when she texted me at 6pm telling me that I owed her a huge apology for the way I behaved at the sports bar and the volley hall game (I still don’t know what that is about). I asked her where she was. She said she would tell me when I apologized. I said I was not going to apologize. She said she needed some time to thing whether this relationship was right for her. I told her that I just exhausted by so much of what she does that I couldn’t do it anymore.

She hung up and I haven’t heard from her since. She hasn’t even been by to pick up a change of clothes so I don’t know where she is. I cancelled all my credit cards we shared and opened a new back account and took half out of our shared but she hasn’t taken any money out or used her debit card so I guess I’m a little concerned since for all effect purposes she’s disappeared.

I’m not too worried now but If I haven’t heard anything by Friday I’ll call her parents. I kind of think she’s doing this disappearing act for attention.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Katie-MacDonut

Wait, so to sum this up, she ignored your reasonable requests to order food she knows she’ll like, publicly threw a fit when you wouldn’t give up your own meal despite being warned that’s what would happen, yelled, stormed out, and has been MIA for days? Over a meal? That she could’ve easily sent back herself? Holy drama bruh. Like, wow. Bullet dodged, huh? Can you imagine a whole lifetime of ridiculous public tantrums over easily resolvable stuff? Yikes.

OOP

Well the meal and whatever it is I did to make her mad at the volley hall game

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neutralgood079

Text her to pick up her things by X date or you will have it sent to her parents. I think she is doing this for attention and all the more reason you were right to dump her. Tell her parents you broke up and she has not been in contact. Tell them that she did not tell you where she was but could they check on her. Dont wait on that, the sooner you do this the sooner you can get her out of your life

OOP

Ok I can do this, probably a good idea

OOP made a final edit

Edit: I called her parents, they haven’t heard from her either and me calling them now has them worried because they thought she was with me. I’m going to drive her important things over to their house and wash my hands of her. Whatever happens to her is of her own making at this point.

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