• cRazi_man@lemm.ee
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    17 days ago

    She isn’t going to order her own meatballs and is going to pick off his plate. He wanted to make sure he got to eat his fill without sharing.

    • ouRKaoS@lemmy.today
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      17 days ago

      He knows his wife likes the meatballs, but isn’t going to order her own, so he eats two, claims he’s stuffed, and let’s her have the last one.

      He actually is stuffed, because the ones she saw him eat were actually numbers 7 & 8 and she’s happy because she gets a meatball without ordering extra food.

      So wholesome!

        • Droggelbecher@lemmy.world
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          16 days ago

          6 yr relationship, never planned to marry, in case it matters. The lack of communication I was talking about was him eating ahead of time in secret rather than telling his wife that sharing would mean that they’d need more food in order for him to have enough.

          • LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world
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            15 days ago

            I mean the guy could have legitimately told her about the meatballs, yet thought it was funny to say he would “try” them knowing the waiter knew full well they already had them twice.

            Queue them laughing on the way home and her finding it to be a cute quirk that he likes to confuse waiters with such.

    • jaybone@lemmy.world
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      17 days ago

      Maybe it’s a trick question.

      Like maybe he was hiding a corpse in the trunk of his car, which he murdered by slitting their throat with Occam’s razor.

  • Shardikprime@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    Bro wants to eat his own meatballs

    Wife wants to eat his meatballs, and not ask for her own

    Bro gets early, gets his own meatballs.

    Wife gets to restaurant, sees new meatballs

    She starts picking on husband meatballs

    Bro shares

    Wife happy

    Everyone happy

    • GreyEyedGhost@lemmy.ca
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      17 days ago

      This is probably the most charitable interpretation of this scenario. Good for you.

      I figured his wife put him on a diet and he was having none (or three times) of it.

  • CaliforniaSober@lemmy.ca
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    17 days ago

    “ Wait… I worry what you heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?”

    • iAvicenna@lemmy.world
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      16 days ago

      Ahh Ron Swanson, the only conservative the world ever needs.

      Aaand here goes a five page discussion about whether if Ron is conservative or not

        • yannic@lemmy.ca
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          16 days ago

          [In my best nature documentarisn voice] Behold, what appears to be moving goalposts to the outside observer is actually a side-effect of the first-past-the-post system’s tendency towards two dominant parties.

  • meep_launcher@lemm.ee
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    17 days ago

    This reminds me of how when I was young, my dad would get us an extra order of desert when mom left to use the restroom. It was the best dad move. Ofc I was an anxiety case while trying to eat the ice cream before mom got back, it was that intense anxiety where it felt something was following you. Do you know? No. All you know is that every fiber in your being told you you needed get out of that old warehouse as soon as possible. You keep running, avoiding roots and rocks. You keep second guessing yourself. Where we alone? You look to see if Sam followed you but he’s nowhere to be seen. You swear you two looked at eachother with the same chill just moments ago. You call out to him, but you hear nothing. You slow down and turn around but the sun has already set and the trees shroud any sense of direction. You call out again, but regret it instantly.

    The weight of something big is coming.

    You pick a direction and go in an all out sprint. You don’t know where you are going but know whatever has been tracking you is behind you. You are now shrieking call for Sam but he is long gone. The ground below you shifts as you come to a steep decline. You stumble but catch yourself, only to find the moss on the ground won’t hold you. You slip and roll into a ravine, and as you fall your ankle hits a rock. You don’t know if it’s broken but at this point you know that whatever is behind you is worse than the pain of each step. You are limping but moving, but now you are losing ground. The bushes burst open behind you and in the shock you fall back down, firmly breaking the leg you tried so hard to ignore. You turn over while you writhe in pain to see what remained of Sam being held by what couldn’t be a man but couldn’t be a beast. He comes forward smelling the air furiously. You didn’t want to believe it, but Sam was taken and soon you will be too. In your final moments, a face finally comes 2 inches from yours.

    You didn’t want to believe things could go south so fast. You didn’t want to believe Sam was dead. You didn’t want to believe you never would sleep in your bed or eat rainbow Sherbet again. You didn’t want to believe your eyes when you saw him-

    Shia LaBeouf.

    Anyway when mom came back dad would always take the heat for us, but he’s a funny guy and mom couldn’t stay mad for long.

  • Mr_Blott@feddit.uk
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    17 days ago

    Imagine all the time this guy saves by typing like he’s doing it with his fucking face

  • Agent641@lemmy.world
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    16 days ago

    You just dont understand, some people need to do recon missions before comitting to the charge.

  • ettyblatant@lemmy.world
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    16 days ago

    Holy shit this thread

    Meme : weird event happens at restaurant, only context is that man was hiding his actions for whatever reason"

    ITT: FUCKING WIVES AMIRITE

  • Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk
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    17 days ago

    Meh.

    I was getting a Chinese takeout a while back. A guy came in to pick up his order and sank 4 cans of Carlsberg Special Brew (7.5% ABV) in the 5 minutes it took them to get it ready for him. He wasn’t savouring this beer, he was just fucking necking it as fast as possible.

    Who knows the struggles other people are going through and the things they do to get through the day without losing it.