This is about to be some real shit about a failing (failed?) marriage. Get out now if that is not for you.
My wife and I, both in our 40s, have been together for a long time, 20+ years. About 10 years ago our daughter was born and that was pretty good. I was stupid and had an affair during that first year because I was immature and, in retrospect, wasn’t able to handle the shift in my wife’s attention from me to my daughter.
We worked it out. We moved to a bigger house that is paid off. My mom died and left us all some money. Then my wife was diagnosed with MS about 4 years ago and things have been on the decline.
We haven’t had sex in a year and neither of us again expects to. She has been depressed and I don’t know how to help her. We recently, like yesterday, determined in a mutual discussion that we no longer had a romantic relationship, but that we had a good partnership for raising our daughter and generally handling life. While it was good to get an unspoken truth out there, it hurts. I think that we both feel lonely in the aching soul sort of way. Last night, when we went to bed, for first time that I can recall, she didn’t say, “I love you,” and neither did I. My Prozac is working overtime, and she shuts down when I suggest mental health support for her.
So, here’s the question. What now?
I have a similar situation with my wife. Not MS and actually not even a word I can use as she just has a perponderance of medical issues and maybe someday there will be a word for something foundational that causes it. American healthcare, amirite. It really sucked because honestly her incredible sexuality was a big factor in my attraction to her. Im essentially a wierd nerd who she jumped all over and Im not like one of those idiots who think theres a marrying kind. Let me put it this way. When we were dating but before marriage we went to a sex shop with a couple of friends and we were the only ones in a relationship. A great friend (who passed away since rip) turns to me and says “Im so jealous”, because, you know, my girlfriend is going to a sex shop with me. Granted its a group activity and we were being edgy. Anyway she start bringing products to the counter after a we window shop for awhile and the same friend turns to me and says “Im really. REALLY! Jealous.”. We have been together for just under 25 years and been married for just a year or so less than that. We are both super depressed both from the medical stuff and from the money issues which we would not have at all except, americanhealthcareamirite, well and what we will do when I can’t work (ie american retirement which is not something you choose to do). We have not had sex in I don’t know how long. feels like a decade. It sucks. We fight. We still say we love each other although her more than me (thats always been the case as she is more open love than i in more than just sex). We still recognize that we doubt anyone on the earth would be better than us for us in our situation and that if we did not have the situation we would be doing great. So we stay together because we recogize the depresion, the awefulness, its not from us. Its form our situation. An yeah yeah, if we were borken up she would have no job and be sick and be totally fucked while I would be relatively healthy and economically good but honestly. I would have no point to life. my life has been her and hers has been me for so many years. how could it be anything else.