It depends on your life situation and it’s not something you can just press a button to fix, but on the other hand it’s not going to get better if you ignore it. Things that may help depending on your circumstance:
Therapy
Taking an in-person class or joining a club
If you already have nearby friends, start a regular game night
Visit a ‘third space’ at a consistent time weekly, e.g. coffee shop, bar, library, gym (note: the point is not to practice pickup lines, it’s to get used to being around people. If you go regularly, you’ll start to feel comfortable with the other regulars)
There are more and I would be interested in hearing if the ones above don’t work. I am a pure introvert who kind of lucked my way into a relationship. I still would be happy on a desert island forever but I can recognize that human connection gives me a reason to perform maintenance on my flesh prison, keeps my mental acuity up to stave off the inevitable dementia, and provides a different perspective on reality when I get stuck in a rut.
I want to reiterate that this is not a ‘fix’, but a process of self improvement. Particularly in the beginning, it’ll be mostly unpleasant and hard to stick with. If it’s working, you will be exposed to uncomfortable realities that you will have to process. After you have been doing it awhile, though, you’ll start to have small wins that can snowball into being the person you want to be.
Visit a ‘third space’ at a consistent time weekly, e.g. coffee shop, bar, library, gym (note: the point is not to practice pickup lines, it’s to get used to being around people. If you go regularly, you’ll start to feel comfortable with the other regulars)
Level 1: Go outside
Level 2: Go outside regularly
Level 3: Respond to interactions
Level 4: Initiate interactions
Level 5: Make friends
I think they happen naturally if you are visiting same place weekly at the same time. The waiter/cashier/or anyone who is regular to that coffee shop would try to initiate some interaction with you.
This is a good idea. Also if you find an employee that is nice. Tell them the truth. You are trying to work on socializing. You’d be surprised a lot of people really are happy to help you if you ask for help 💜
I’ve found when I’m feeling comfortable in public I notice other people’s belongings and can relate it to why I might want to interact with them.
Like if at the store I see someone with a band T-shirt I like I’ll try to just mention to them I’m a big fan and like their shirt. Is it gonna crate a friendship? Who the fuck knows. But I spoke to a stranger. And it wasn’t weird it felt friendly and nice 😊
Actually the one time I spoke to a girl in the past 6 months was about her BMW. We actually had a good short conversation. What was funny is that when I asked her “hey, is that your BMW?” Because I didn’t see her get out of it - her response was “Yes, why?!?!” In a bit of a panic. So even bumpy landings work.
Thanks for that bit.
Maybe I’ll go to a local coffee place and just order my white chocolate mocha, and do it enough to say things to people.
Yes! People might respond with initial anxiety and fear. Simply due to surprise. But I’ve found smiling and calm tone can help transfer that into a normal exchange rather than me freaking out internally this person now thinks I’m a rapist/murder cause I said hello 😆
No one’s brain works the same so it’s pretty hard to suggest boilerplate workarounds, but maybe you can spend money to join something and then feel obligated to go. The hardest part is just wanting to change enough that it overrides the agoraphobia IMO
It depends on your life situation and it’s not something you can just press a button to fix, but on the other hand it’s not going to get better if you ignore it. Things that may help depending on your circumstance:
Therapy
Taking an in-person class or joining a club
If you already have nearby friends, start a regular game night
Visit a ‘third space’ at a consistent time weekly, e.g. coffee shop, bar, library, gym (note: the point is not to practice pickup lines, it’s to get used to being around people. If you go regularly, you’ll start to feel comfortable with the other regulars)
There are more and I would be interested in hearing if the ones above don’t work. I am a pure introvert who kind of lucked my way into a relationship. I still would be happy on a desert island forever but I can recognize that human connection gives me a reason to perform maintenance on my flesh prison, keeps my mental acuity up to stave off the inevitable dementia, and provides a different perspective on reality when I get stuck in a rut.
I want to reiterate that this is not a ‘fix’, but a process of self improvement. Particularly in the beginning, it’ll be mostly unpleasant and hard to stick with. If it’s working, you will be exposed to uncomfortable realities that you will have to process. After you have been doing it awhile, though, you’ll start to have small wins that can snowball into being the person you want to be.
Level 1: Go outside Level 2: Go outside regularly Level 3: Respond to interactions Level 4: Initiate interactions Level 5: Make friends
I wish I could get to Level 2 at least.
Ok so presume I am doing level 2, how do I get interactions to respond to
I think they happen naturally if you are visiting same place weekly at the same time. The waiter/cashier/or anyone who is regular to that coffee shop would try to initiate some interaction with you.
This is a good idea. Also if you find an employee that is nice. Tell them the truth. You are trying to work on socializing. You’d be surprised a lot of people really are happy to help you if you ask for help 💜
You have given me an idea! Thank uou
I had to practice saying good morning to people.
I’ve found when I’m feeling comfortable in public I notice other people’s belongings and can relate it to why I might want to interact with them.
Like if at the store I see someone with a band T-shirt I like I’ll try to just mention to them I’m a big fan and like their shirt. Is it gonna crate a friendship? Who the fuck knows. But I spoke to a stranger. And it wasn’t weird it felt friendly and nice 😊
Actually the one time I spoke to a girl in the past 6 months was about her BMW. We actually had a good short conversation. What was funny is that when I asked her “hey, is that your BMW?” Because I didn’t see her get out of it - her response was “Yes, why?!?!” In a bit of a panic. So even bumpy landings work.
Thanks for that bit.
Maybe I’ll go to a local coffee place and just order my white chocolate mocha, and do it enough to say things to people.
Yes! People might respond with initial anxiety and fear. Simply due to surprise. But I’ve found smiling and calm tone can help transfer that into a normal exchange rather than me freaking out internally this person now thinks I’m a rapist/murder cause I said hello 😆
No one’s brain works the same so it’s pretty hard to suggest boilerplate workarounds, but maybe you can spend money to join something and then feel obligated to go. The hardest part is just wanting to change enough that it overrides the agoraphobia IMO